


The Only Way Out Is Through

by aschicca



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, As in James loses a hand, But the damage he suffers is great nonetheless, Depressed Sirius Black, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, James Potter Lives, Lily Evans Potter Lives, M/M, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sirius was in Azkaban for fifteen months, Speech Disorders, but he gets a magical prosthetic one obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-04-11 16:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: James and Lily had a back-up plan that they didn’t share with anyone else. They survived Voldemort’s attack but everyone still thought they died, and Sirius was still found guilty of murder, accused of being a spy, and sentenced to Azkaban. When the war is won, James, Lily, and Harry come back, but will it be too late for Sirius? And how will Remus react?This is a story of reconnection, comfort, and healing. And while it might not sound like it, this story is all about Sirius Black.





	1. Prologue - Unrehearsed

**Author's Note:**

> First off let me once more thank my invaluable Beta, Piksa, for reading this through and sending me her thoughts. I owe you so much, hon!
> 
> As you read in the tags, Sirius was only in Azkaban for 15 months in my story, but I created a special ward in the prison called The Isolation Ward, where Dementors have free reign and they can act undisturbed. As a result, Sirius is as damaged as he would be if he'd been in Azkaban for 12 years. There is nothing too graphic depicted in this and, without spoiling too much, I will tell you that this story is more focused on the comfort than the hurt, because that's what I was more interested in writing about. Oh, and James loses a hand, too, if that's something you think you need to be warned against. He gets a prosthetic one, though!
> 
> Now, this story is complete and I will post one chapter every week. I'm not going to be able to go on holiday this year so I'm gonna use the posting of this story as something to look forward to weekly until, well, by my calculations ~~the middle of August~~ Yeah, best laid plans... LOL! Make that the end of July *g*.
> 
> Enjoy!

On the night of Halloween 1981, Lily Evans Potter was in the nursery of her house in Godric’s Hollow quietly rocking her one year old son, Harry, to sleep; meanwhile, her husband, James Potter, was doing a last minute round of the house to check the protective wards: despite the Fidelius Charm cast on their location, the Potters still warded their house as much as they were able, and James frequently checked their strength and, if needed, re-powered the wards.

One of Harry’s discarded toys tripped James while he passed in front of a window in the sitting room, and he gripped the curtains to avoid falling. James’s movement caused the curtain to open just enough so he could catch a glimpse of the front of the house, and what he saw froze the blood in his veins. A hooded figure approached and, undisturbed, opened the small gate and stepped on the path that led to the door.

In a flash, James apparated in the nursery. 

“Lily, go! Take Harry and go! They found us… I don’t know how but they did! He’s here!” James urged, breathing harshly.

Lily jumped up, wrapped the blanket tightly around her sleeping son and, eyes wide and scared, asked, “What about you? James! Come with us!”

“I’ll be right behind you, love,” James assured her. “I need to leave some sort of sign for Sirius. He needs to know what happened, and that we’re safe. He needs to know it was Peter… It had to have been!”

Lily looked like he wanted to argue, maybe ask James to come with her immediately, maybe even comment on the shocking realisation that the man they’d chosen as their Secret Keeper had been the spy all along, but James told her once more to go and she disapparated quickly.

Alone, James summoned a piece of parchment and tried to write a message for Sirius Black but, before he could even start, the door of the nursery swung open and the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort appeared in the doorway. 

Three things happened in quick succession the second Voldemort’s eyes took in the scene and he realised the child he’d come to kill wasn’t there anymore: Voldemort raised his wand and muttered the Unforgivable spell that would allow him to take James’s life; James dropped the still blank parchment, heart breaking at the thought that he would never be able to warn the man he thought of as his brother; and finally, James disapparated one second before the green light reached him.

Unfortunately, with his mind still divided between thoughts of Sirius and the picture of the isolated house he and Lily had purchased and never told another soul about – because a back-up plan needed to be implemented and it also needed to be fool-proof – James splinched himself while disapparating, and his left hand floated in the air for a moment before falling on the floor of the nursery.

In a fit of rage, Voldemort hit the hand with a curse and blackened the skin, then he re-directed his anger towards the house and wreaked as much damage to it as he could without reducing it to dust, thus breaking the Fidelius Charm.

*  
Mere minutes later, Sirius Black suddenly remembered the address of James’s and Lily’s house and his heart skipped a beat. He apparated in Godric’s Hollow and let out an anguished cry at the sight that greeted him. Nonetheless, Sirius made his way through the debris and, wand at the ready, searched the house.

“James? Lily?” He called, and his voice became more and more panicked with each call. “James! Please… Lily! Harry!!”

Entering the nursery, Sirius’s eyes immediately fixed on the severed hand that lay on the semi-destroyed floor and he slowly buckled at the knees. A keening sound escaped his mouth and, hugging himself and rocking back and forth, he stared at what remained of his best friend and his family. Sirius could only imagine how violent Voldemort’s attack had to have been for him to completely vanquish everything except that burned limb.

“James… James, please…” Sirius lamented. “Lily… Harry… No, Harry, not you too… Please…”

Sirius had no idea how long he knelt there, crying and shaking, taking in the loss of his entire world, but at one point a name popped into his mind and blinding rage temporarily replaced his sorrow. 

“Peter,” Sirius seethed, getting up. 

Eyes dark and mind solely focused on revenge, Sirius disapparated and started looking for Peter Pettigrew, the spy, the man Sirius had trusted with the wellbeing of the people he loved the most in the world and who had betrayed them all. When he finally found him, Sirius barely had the time to point his wand at him before Peter shouted, “How could you do that? To James?” and then, wand pointing behind himself, Peter blasted off half the street, cut off his own finger, and transformed into a rat. Sirius could only look on as Wormtail ran into the sewer and disappeared; and then a deranged, anguished, cackling laugh left his mouth. 

He was still laughing, crazy with grief and anger, when the Aurors arrived and took him away.

*

Bartemius Crouch Sr., Head of the Department of Law Enforcement at the time, summarily convicted Sirius of killing the Potters, Pettigrew, plus a handful of unlucky Muggle bystanders, and declared him a spy for Voldemort; Sirius only had to sit before the Wizengamot for a meagre ten minutes, surrounded by the people he’d considered his friends and that now looked at him with a mixture of horror and disgust, before he was sentenced to Azkaban for life. 

Sirius’s sentence was made even more severe when it was decided that he would spend the first five years of his conviction in the Isolation Ward, a place where Dementors had free, uninterrupted, and unsupervised reign. A place from which very few inmates ever came out alive. 

*

Remus Lupin wasn’t able to attend Sirius’s brief trial. He’d returned from another one of his missions among the werewolves one day before the fateful Halloween night, and he’d been held and interrogated by the Ministry ever since. Albus Dumbledore could only help Lupin after he finished overseeing Sirius’s trial, where he’d tried and failed to argue against his placement in the Isolation Ward, but Remus was released as soon as Dumbledore intervened. 

The first thing Remus asked Dumbledore for was his permission to see Sirius and talk to him, but the old wizard wouldn’t let him. 

“There is nothing he can tell you that could make you feel any better, Remus,” Dumbledore told Lupin. “And even if there was, Sirius wouldn’t speak of it. He’s refused to utter a single word since he was captured; he merely laughs until he either cries or chokes on his own spit. And then he’s silent again.”

“Then maybe,” Remus tried, “Maybe he’s not in his right mind. Maybe he was under an Imperius curse when he kill… when he did what he did. Maybe there’s a chance…”

“I’m sorry, Remus, I truly am. But Sirius was thoroughly analysed and nothing was found. He’s not been cursed in any way, and he wasn’t given any kind of potion: everything he did was out of his own volition.”

Remus crumbled. His whole world had been destroyed in one single day and he wasn’t sure whether he’d ever be able to find his way back to normalcy. Dumbledore put a comforting had on Remus’s back and guided him out of the Ministry.

*

While all of these ordeals unfolded, Lord Voldemort had his own problems to deal with. He’d failed to kill the child who had been named by a prophecy as his downfall, and he wanted everybody to pay for that. Wormtail was the one to bear the brunt of Voldemort’s rage and, when the Dark Lord finished with him, there was nothing more than dust to mark the place he’d stood in. The end of Peter Pettigrew was witnessed by all of Lord Voldemort’s Death Eaters and the unbearable pain he’d been in before he was allowed to die served as a remainder to everyone else: fail the Dark Lord and pay the considerable price.

Severus Snape was present during Pettigrew’s torture, too. The pact he’d made with Dumbledore to protect Lily Potter and save her life was, as far as Snape was concerned, not in place anymore. Dumbledore failed Lily and even if she’d been able to escape the Dark Lord’s attack, it was no thanks to Dumbledore himself. 

When Voldemort sent out many of his followers on a quest to find the Potters, Snape was among the first to volunteer for the task because he hoped to be the one to find Lily and take her away with him. 

Snape could have told Dumbledore about the Potters still being alive, of course, but for one he didn’t have any time to lose and needed to leave immediately to rescue Lily, and for another Snape didn’t feel like he owed Dumbledore anything. Besides, what good would it do for the other side to know that the Potters were alive?

The mere thought that, by talking, Snape could have saved Sirius Black didn’t even enter his mind.

*

Almost an entire year passed. The fight against Voldemort was still going on - though it seemed to have simmered down to a cold war nowadays what with most Death Eaters scattered around the world to find the Potters - and life in the Wizarding World went on as usual.

At the beginning of September 1982, a small black haired boy named Morgan Burbage boarded the train to Hogwarts. His parents, former Slytherins, were sympathizers of Voldemort’s cause and his father, Polonius Burbage, was a personal friend of Lucius Malfoy. Before he was sent to look for the Potters, Malfoy had entrusted Burbage with an item, a very special diary, that Polonius was to give to his son as soon as the boy went to Hogwarts. 

Malfoy had been charged with the diary by Lord Voldemort himself, and he’d been ordered to find a way to get it back into Hogwarts. Voldemort, it must be pointed out, was too invested in his search for the Potters to remember about the diary, and he’d never told Malfoy to wait before carrying out that particular task.

And so it came to be that little Morgan Burbage, for whom the Sorting Hat had to think for just a couple of seconds before shouting “Hufflepuff!”, entered Hogwarts with the diary in his possession. Morgan was a sweet little boy, kind and friendly, and when he first tried to write in the diary his dad had gifted him with and was confronted by Tom Riddle, he got scared. Now, Morgan had been taught all his life to respect authority and be loyal to the adults in charge, so he simply requested to see Headmaster Dumbledore and presented him with the diary.

Morgan left Dumbledore’s office that day with 50 points awarded to his house, and he proudly shared the news with his friends once he got back to the Hufflepuff common room. What Morgan didn’t know was that he’d just offered Dumbledore the means to destroy Voldemort once and for all: because it didn’t take long for the great wizard to understand what kind of magic possessed the diary. 

With the help of an important memory that Professor Slughorn shared with him, Dumbledore embarked on a quest to find and destroy every Horcrux Voldemort created and, when just the dark wizard and the snake remained, they were no match for Dumbledore.

Voldemort was finally beaten a few days before Christmas in 1982, and almost all of his Death Eaters fell with him. Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy were among the first to be captured by Aurors and sent to holding cells to await trials. The mistake Voldemort made with the Potters, his failure to kill their son Harry, and the subsequent single-mindedness that had driven him to rectify his mistake, were the dark wizard’s downfall in the end, thus fulfilling the prophecy that spoke of a little boy who would one day bring forth the end of the Dark Lord.

*

Bellatrix Lestrange heard the news of her Lord’s downfall on a clear day of December, while she stood on the top of a hill in Tuscany, Italy, and looked at the small house where, she’d recently discovered, James and Lily Potter were hiding. Her husband, Rodolphus, related the news when he apparated close to her after having narrowly missed capture. Blinded by rage but still somehow convinced that the reports of Voldemort’s defeat had to be fake and that her Lord was still alive somewhere, Bellatrix decided to carry out his orders and kill the Potters, sure that Voldemort would reward her and elevate her when he returned. 

Unfortunately for Bellatrix, James and Lily Potter demonstrated once more how difficult they were to kill, despite the fact that one of them only had one hand to fight with. James’s duel with Rodolphus quickly resulted in the latter’s death and, when Bellatrix launched herself at Lily, she soon found out that her opponent’s skills far surpassed her own.

Before passing out, injured but still alive, Bellatrix called out her Lord’s name and apologized.

“My Lord! I’m sorry I failed you!” She screamed. “But I remain faithful and I know, I know you’re still alive. I know that barmy old codger didn’t kill you!”

James and Lily looked at one another, scarcely believing what they’d just heard. Was Voldemort really defeated? Were they finally free to return home? James decided they needed to be sure: there was no trusting the ramblings of a mad woman. So, after binding an unconscious Bellatrix tight, Lily ran in the house to comfort a crying Harry while James disguised himself and went to the nearby Florence to look for a copy of _Il Profeta_ , the Italian equivalent of the _Daily Prophet_. 

James had never chanced such a journey before, and the Potters had remained until then completely cut out from what was happening in the war. They had procured their food in the Muggle side of the small town close to their house, but they’d kept away from big cities and especially from the magical streets in them. It wasn’t as if they weren’t tempted, or curious, to keep up with the war, but they knew, James especially, that if they’d read something about their friends, or if they’d been informed of something bad happening to the people they loved, they wouldn’t have been able to keep themselves hidden anymore. And they needed to. 

_Harry_ needed them to.

That faithful day, Lily and James Potter read the paper for the first time in more than a year and their forced exile ended. They understood that they had to contact Dumbledore immediately and reveal to him that they were still alive; also, there was one of Voldemort’s most loyal Death Eaters bound tightly on their property and she needed to be dealt with.

To that effect, James Potter sent out a Patronus to Dumbledore… and here, right here, is where _our_ story begins.


	2. Reports of my Death have been Greatly Exaggerated

Remus Lupin spent the first months that followed the end of his world hiding in bottle after bottle of Firewiskey. When the stuff became too expensive for Remus’s meagre earnings, he switched to the cheap wine he could buy for a few Muggle cents, and kept his mind as numb as he was able.

Dumbledore had ceased sending Remus to plead their case to the Dark Creatures and with the war simmering down after the Potters’ deaths, it wasn’t until January 1982 that Remus was needed by the Order again. Emmeline Vance and Alastor Moody literally picked Remus out of a bottle, cleaned him up and, along with other members of the Order, took it upon themselves to never leave him alone again and get him into shape.

Remus became once more an active and valued player in the fight against the dark forces, yet it was clear to everyone who had known him even just for a while that Remus was not the same as he had been, and probably never would be again.

Everyone thought that the cause of Remus’s current situation were the Potters’ and Pettigrew’s deaths, coupled with the enormous betrayal perpetrated by Sirius Black, the fourth member of the little gang that had left its mark on Hogwarts only a few years back. Of course they were right, but what no one knew, what no one could even imagine, was that Remus had been desperately in love with Sirius for most of his life. 

They’d never been anything other than close friends, and while both James and Lily had had their suspicions about Remus’s feelings, Sirius himself had remained oblivious. Remus had wanted it that way, and he’d done anything he could think of to conceal his true feelings; the same feelings that now, even after everything Sirius had done, everything he’d proven to be, were making Remus’s life hell with their unwavering strength.

When the war ended, when Dumbledore rid the world of Voldemort and his followers, Remus simply retreated back in his parents’ cottage refusing to take part in the celebrations. Christmas was close and it would be the very first peaceful one in years, but Remus had nothing to be cheerful for.

*

It was with great surprise that Remus opened the door one clear day to find Dumbledore on the other side. 

“Good morning, sir,” Remus greeted, gesturing for Dumbledore to come in. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” He asked, hoping Dumbledore hadn’t come to convince him to join whatever plans the Order was making for New Year’s Eve.

“I’m afraid, dear boy, that I find myself in need of your help once more.”

Curious and a little worried, Remus offered Dumbledore a seat and waited for the old wizard to continue.

“You see, I’ve just now received a very surprising message. A message I have every intention of replying to, and that I believe might present a miraculous and unforeseen turn of events. I am hopeful about it, Remus, but nonetheless I have to remain cautious. That is why I need you to accompany me on a little trip,” Dumbledore revealed.

“A trip? Well, I… Of course, sir, if that’s what you need but may I ask, why me? If you’re in need of a protective detail, so to speak, there are many more qualified than me for the task.”

“Remus, my boy,” Dumbledore said, gently. “Believe me when I say there is no one more qualified than you to investigate this particular matter.”

Puzzled but still as trusting of his old Headmaster as he’d always been, Remus agreed to go and soon he found himself standing on a hill in front of a little house. Wand in hand, Remus followed Dumbledore to the door but stood a little behind surveying the grounds.

When the door opened, Remus was looking away from it and didn’t immediately catch Dumbledore’s words. He turned back with every intention of paying better attention to his companion but stumbled backwards when his eyes met Lily Potter’s.

“No!” Remus yelled, wand raised towards what couldn’t be other than a cruel joke, a hallucination, or worse, a wraith.

Dumbledore put himself between Remus and the _thing_ that dared to look like Lily, and spoke.

“I received your message, but you’ll excuse me if I’m cautious about believing what’s in front of my eyes.”

“Of course I understand,” the woman with Lily’s face replied, before turning towards the house and calling for someone. Someone she had the nerve to address as ‘James’, making Remus want to scream.

When the man came out, and Remus could see his face, his unruly hair, and his glasses, a shudder ran through his body and tears escaped from the corner of his eyes.

“Moony?” The man called, but Remus took a few steps back and shook his head. “Hey, it’s me. I promise, it’s me!”

“James and Lily Potter died on the night of Halloween 1981,” Dumbledore said, and ‘Lily’ immediately started recounting what truly happened that night. Or, Remus thought darkly, what these impostors wanted them to believe.

While ‘Lily’ spoke, ‘James’ kept looking at Remus making him want to snarl at him.

“…and we wanted to send a message, to tell you what happened but we were afraid to be discovered. We needed to protect our son, sir, so you see… we had to. But we’re so sorry. Remus,” ‘Lily’ finished her story and looked at him, “we’re so sorry we let you believe we were dead!”

Dumbledore asked ‘James’ to step closer and when the latter complied Remus could clearly see that his left arm was missing a hand. 

“You… Your hand…” Remus babbled. 

“Yes, I splinched myself while running away from Vol…You Know Who. Heard there’s ways to get a prosthetic one, with magic of its own, but I’ve had more important things to worry about and…” ‘James’ finished with a shrug.

Remus hated that he was slowly starting to believe this lie, yet he had to steel himself, he had to resist. It would be so easy for him to be convinced, to step forward and hold his friends tight to him, but he couldn’t let his guard down. Remus trembled and ground his teeth against the tremendous effort it was taking him not to let himself go.

“Remus,” Dumbledore asked, keeping his eyes still on ‘James’ and ‘Lily’. “Please I need you to ask something to these two people. Something only the real James and Lily Potter could know.”

“Sir,” Remus whispered. “They could be shades, or spirits, and if that’s the case they would know the answers to my questions. They would have the memories of the real James and Lily…”

“My boy, trust me to know when I’m looking at real flesh and blood people,” Dumbledore said. “Trust that I’ve taken the necessary measures to ensure none of the things you listed stand before us just now. However, I still do not possess the ability to see through Polyjuice Potion so if you please…”

Remus’s mind was stuck on a loop – _they’re not spirits, not abominations, they’re not fake, they’re not wraiths…_ \- and it took a while before he could shake himself out of it enough to think of a question.

Remus looked at ‘Lily’ first. “At the end of the first Prefects meeting we both attended,” he asked her. “You and I walked back to Gryffindor Tower together. What did we talk about?”

‘Lily’ smiled. “I told you that I didn’t envy you the task of having to reign in your idiot friends now that you were a Prefect.”

“Oi!” ‘James’ protested.

Remus let out a tremulous laugh, and nodded to Dumbledore when he looked back at him enquiringly. Then Remus looked at the copy of his friend.

“Where did I hide my chocolate stack so that Peter couldn’t get to it?” Remus asked.

“That’s easy, mate! Under my bed!” ‘James’ replied, and then laughed when Lily asked why in the world the space under James’s bed would be a good hiding place. 

“I’d declared it a sacred space since the first night in the dormitory,” he explained, “and Peter still remembered what happened to him the one time he tried to violate it.”

Nodding at Dumbledore again, Remus walked towards James and, unable to keep denying the truth in front of his eyes, hugged him close. James clung back, and soon Lily joined in the hug. Remus held his friends as tight as he dared, and cried all his tears on James’s shoulder.

He probably would have stayed like that for an eternity, but Remus heard a small voice call for his mummy and the shock made him step back from his friends, and look towards the house.

“Harry?” Remus whispered.

“Wass’happnin, mummy?” Harry asked, and Lily picked him up.

“Mummy’s and daddy’s friends are here to visit, little love,” she said, and Dumbledore stepped forward to greet Harry.

Remus felt rooted to the spot, and James had to pat him on the back a few times before he was able to move too.

“Hey Pumpkin’,” James addressed his son. “You remember Moony, right? We’ve been talking about him, mum and I have.” He said, pointing at Remus who smiled.

Harry shook his head, timidly, but still returned the smile and waved cheerily.

“I’m afraid we will need to postpone this happy reunion,” Dumbledore interrupted. “I do believe many more things need to be explained and there are countless questions that require answers; but first of all, you said you have Bellatrix Lestrange in custody?”

Remus’s mouth shot open. “Bellatrix?”

“Yeah,” James told him. “She found us and attacked us. Her husband was here too but I won that fight, and he was so weakened by whatever had happened before that he didn’t make it. She’s still alive though, and Lily bound her and put her in the shed,” James finished pointing to the small shed behind the house.

“You bested Rodolphus Lestrange one-handed?” Remus asked. “Now I really do believe you’re James Potter!”

James laughed, proud, and Lily rolled her eyes. Harry, not one to be left out, clapped his hands at his dad, and James bowed. Remus was startled by his own laugh and he didn’t remember the last time he’d felt so free.

“Yes, very well done,” Dumbledore commented. “I do think we should all return to Hogwarts now, though. Fortunately all the pupils are home for the holidays and we’ll have the school to ourselves. I believe the Ministry will want to be informed about the two of you,” Dumbledore pointed to James and Lily. “And of course there’s the matter of a Death Eater to be handed to justice. So, whenever you’re ready…”

James and Lily started towards the house to pack a few belongings – the rest could be dealt with at leisure now that the danger had passed – but just before James entered the house, he turned towards Remus.

“Say, Moony? Where’s Padfoot?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh...


	3. I Can't Believe You Let This Happen

After everything was said and done, after Bellatrix was dealt with and brought to the Ministry to await trial, and after the procedure to declare the Potters returned to life had been started, James Potter found himself in Dumbledore’s office glaring at Remus Lupin.

“How could you?” James hissed. “How in the world could you let Sirius rot in that place for more than a year without moving a finger to help him? How, Remus?”

“Darling,” Lily tried to soothe her husband. “Look, I’m sure Remus tried his best…”

Remus couldn’t do anything else but shake his head miserably. “I didn’t…”

“What?” Lily asked, disbelieving.

“Ah, I’m afraid I’m partially to blame for this,” Dumbledore interjected. “You see, Remus did ask for the chance to speak with Sirius but I advised him against it.”

“And you accepted? Just like that? You didn’t even try to argue?” James all but shouted.

“I thought he did it!” Remus shouted back. “I thought he’d killed you, all of you, and I… I just…”

“You just what, Lupin? What? You decided he deserved to suffer and maybe even die, too? What is wrong with you? How could you think that Sirius had anything to do with our deaths… _my_ death?” James spat out. “This is Sirius we’re talking about! I trust him with everything in me!”

“But that’s the point, don’t you see?” Remus had to say. “You trusted him and you asked him to be Secret Keeper, or so I believed. When we thought you’d been betrayed, of course Sirius had to have been the spy! He was the only one aware of your location!”

“Bloody hell, even if that had been true, didn’t you ever think that he might have been captured and tortured, forced to reveal the secret out of duress? Even if Sirius had told Voldemort about the house in Godric’s Hollow, that did not mean he’d done it on purpose, that he’d betrayed us! How could you, of all people, think Sirius was the spy?”

“How could I, uh? It didn’t stop him from believing _I_ was the spy, did it? Didn’t stop you! Why didn’t he offer me up as replacement instead of Peter? Why didn’t you? You believed I could have betrayed you all!” Remus yelled, pained.

“Remus, no,” Lily said. “Sirius suspected and James didn’t know what to think, but I never believed that. I promise you.”

“Then why… Why choose Peter… Why didn’t you at least tell me about the switch?” 

“Because,” James replied, voice hard and cold. “You weren’t around to be told, were you? You were off doing Godric knows what, and when you re-appeared you never even tried to involve us in whatever was going on with your life. You don’t choose to cut us off and then complain when we do the same.”

Remus reeled back as if struck, and for a moment he couldn’t speak.

“Once again,” Dumbledore said. “I must take part of the blame. I was the one sending Remus on secret missions and I was the one who ordered him not to tell anyone. I needed for him to negotiate with other werewolves to see if it was possible to swing them back to our cause, and it was imperative that his task remained between the two of us.”

“Oh, Remus,” Lily said, compassionate.

“And you didn’t even tell Sirius?” James asked, his anger apparently impossible to dent. “For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you able to keep something from Sirius for more than a week. And you knew, after what happened with Snape at the Shack, you knew that Sirius would die before betraying one of your secrets again.”

“I should have… I wanted to but…” Remus shook his head. “I knew. I knew that if I told Sirius what I was doing he would want me to stop. James, Professor Dumbledore never ordered me to do anything. He simply asked and I agreed. If I’d decided to go back on my word, he wouldn’t have forced me to keep it. Telling Sirius… Prongs, you know what he would have done! And if he… If Sirius had asked me to stop, I would have. I couldn’t…”

James closed his eyes, and nodded. “Okay, I… maybe I can understand that, Remus. All the same, I’m holding you, both of you, _all_ of you who knew Sirius, responsible for putting him in hell and letting him rot. But now I believe we have more pressing matters to discuss: how do we get him out of Azkaban?”

“I’m afraid things are still a bit complicated by the matter of Pettigrew’s death,” Dumbledore said, but James was ready for it and he didn’t waste any time replying.

“Peter was working for Voldemort, he sold us out, and he would have been responsible for our deaths if we hadn’t been as lucky as we were. Sirius killing him is no different from me killing Rodolphus Lestrange. We’ve all killed Death Eaters while working for the Order, and I don’t see any of us being chucked into Azkaban for it,” James said.

“Yes, we can certainly argue that,” Dumbledore replied. “But during the duel with Pettigrew, Sirius killed a few Muggles too and, even if it wasn’t done on purpose, that is not…”

“That,” James interrupted, “can be considered a debt repaid by the time Sirius had to spend in the Isolation Ward. Surely no one will argue that the time he served in that bloody hell hole isn’t punishment enough for accidentally taking Muggle lives!”

Dumbledore looked at James, solemnly and with a hint of pride, and then nodded. “I will immediately request an emergency meeting with the Wizengamot to discuss the case. In the meantime, I will of course make sure you are allowed to visit Sirius in prison, James,” he assured. 

With a final nod, Dumbledore left to do what he’d just promised.

“James, I’m going to swing by Madam Pomfrey’s quarters to check on Harry. I’m sure he’s not giving her any trouble but it doesn’t hurt to check, does it?” Lily told her husband.

“Of course, my dear,” James smiled. “I’m afraid you’ll have to fight to get our son back, though. I believe I saw McGonagall transfiguring a teacup into a teddy bear earlier, and Flitwick was making the teapot sing Christmas carols, too!”

Laughing, Lily left the office and Remus was alone with James.

“James, I…” Remus tried, but James interrupted.

“It’s Sirius. _Sirius_ , Remus! How could you…”

"You think I don’t know? That I’m not cursing myself right this minute for believing he might have been the traitor? But what else was I supposed to do? The evidence…”

“Sod the bloody evidence! This is Sirius!! You thought he could have killed me? _Me_? Nevermind that you could believe he’d killed my wife and my infant son, _his_ Godson, but how in the world could you ever think that Sirius would hurt me?”

“I don’t know! At first, I didn’t! I thought… Veritaserum, Imperius or something. Or maybe he’d been driven mad by torture. I asked Dumbledore about it but he said they’d examined him and there was no trace of a curse having been placed upon him. No potions, no Cruciatus, nothing! And Peter, he… He was heard asking Sirius how could he do that to you right before Sirius killed him, and Sirius never defended himself! Not then, not later when he was interrogated!” Remus explained.

“That bloody rat! He was framing Sirius until the very end! He must have known that Sirius would kill him and he decided to take him down too!” James yelled, and Remus nodded.

“I can’t even imagine…” Remus tried, but James once again spoke over him.

“Oh you can’t, can you? You say that Sirius didn’t even try to defend himself, but would he have? Think about it, Remus, really think about it. What did Sirius believe when he found out we’d been killed? Who was the very first person he blamed, even before Peter?” James asked, and Remus paled.

“Himself…”

“Of course,” James continued. “Sirius was the one who told us to covertly switch to Peter so that, when everyone would believe Sirius to be the Secret Keeper, they could capture and torture him and he would never even possess the information they sought. He would die protecting a secret he didn’t even know, and Peter would live hidden and keep us safe. When Sirius must have realised what Peter did, of course he would blame himself. And that’s why, once Peter was dead, Sirius didn’t have anything left to fight for and just accepted a punishment he believed he deserved.”

James’s words hit Remus hard in the chest and he staggered back until his calves hit a chair and he collapsed into it, his face buried in his hands and shoulder heavy with shame.

“Look, Moony,” James said, and the use of the nickname shocked Remus enough to make him raise his head and look at his friend. “It’s not just you I’m pissed off with. Sirius was ready to die for me, and I fucked off to Italy and let him think I was dead. I blame you, Remus, but I blame myself most of all.”

Weirdly enough, James’s words made Remus smile. Once again, James proved to be as similar to Sirius as it was possible to be for someone not related to him.

“You tried,” Remus said. “You stayed behind longer to send a message to Sirius, and you even lost a hand because you were still thinking of him while you disapparated. Besides, Prongs, you couldn’t have let Sirius know you and Lily were hiding in Tuscany. The risk was too great, and Harry had to come first. You know Sirius would tell you the same thing if he…” Remus had to stop there because the thought of the reason why Sirius was not there now to reassure James sent him back into despair.

James lowered his head, his right hand unconsciously rubbing at the stump on his left arm, and sighed.

Remus couldn’t stand the silence, and he also felt the need to voice a request. 

“Can I… James, could I come with you? To Azkaban? See Sirius?”

James looked at Remus and the latter realised that his friend was about to deny his request. The ‘no’ remained unspoken, however, because Lily chose that moment to come back to Dumbledore’s office and she answered for her husband.

“Of course, Remus,” Lily said. “We’ll all go together. Right, James?”

James bit his lip but a stern look from Lily forced him to nod. James’s reluctance in allowing not just Remus but apparently even Lily to go with him could of course be due to his need to shield them – Lily at least – from what they would find in Azkaban, but Remus doubted that was the only reason. James had wanted to see Sirius alone, and Remus was sure that his friend planned to keep Sirius all to himself once he’d succeeded in getting him out of prison.

James and Sirius had always been pretty much inseparable, and Merlin knew how much help Sirius would need after spending close to 15 months in the constant clutches of the Dementors: James, Remus knew, had already decided he would be Sirius’s primary care-taker and everyone else would have to fight to be allowed in.

Lily interrupted Remus’s musings when she recounted how Harry had basically been adopted by the Hogwarts teaching staff, and how much Madam Sprout had protested when Lily had offered to take back her son. 

“Told you so,” James quipped, and Lily playfully swatted his arm.

Despite everything, Remus couldn’t help but feel an enormous amount of joy at having his friends back, and being allowed once more to witness their playful banter.

It wasn’t long before Dumbledore returned from his trip to the Ministry and he informed James that a visit with Sirius had been scheduled for the following day. 

“Things are developing in an unexpected direction,” Dumbledore told them. “I’m not at liberty to share what I’ve been told for the moment, but I can say that you won’t be visiting Sirius in Azkaban.”

“What? Why? Is he… He isn’t hurt, is he?” James asked.

“Nothing like that,” Dumbledore replied. “I can’t speak to Sirius’s health, though I don’t imagine him to be in very good shape neither physically nor mentally, but his well-being is not the reason why you won’t be seeing him in Azkaban. As I said, in light of recent developments Sirius Black has been moved to a holding cell in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and he will be brought to a warded visiting room for you to talk with tomorrow morning.”

“Well, at least he’s out of the Dementors’ reach,” Lily commented, optimistically.

James looked at Remus and the latter knew they were on the same wavelength: of everything the Headmaster had said, the one thing that truly mattered were the words _I don’t imagine him to be in very good shape neither physically nor mentally._

How long would the road to recovery be for Sirius Black?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, as Lily said, we're all going to see Sirius together...


	4. The Prisoner of Azkaban

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so in this chapter we finally see Sirius and I wanted to remind you that he suffers from a speech disorder - the poor dear. Also, there's once more talk about James's disability in case you need the warning.
> 
> Thank you, everyone, for reading and leaving kudos and comments!

The visiting room in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement consisted of two connected chambers: in the smaller one there was just a simple table with two chairs placed at opposite sides; the bigger one was, on the other hand, better furnished, with tables and comfortable chairs, and it was more spacious and less harshly illuminated. The chambers were separated by an enchanted one-way glass that allowed for visitors, Aurors, or other Ministry officials to observe the small room and supervise the questioning of the inmate, or their visits with family and friends.

James, Remus, and Lily stood in the bigger chamber that morning, and an Auror sat at a table in the far corner, obviously there to notarize the encounter. James paced back and forth while Remus couldn’t seem to be able to look away from the currently blackened glass in the hopes of soon being allowed to see Sirius.

“James,” Lily called. “Please, calm down.”

“Where’s Dumbledore? We’ve been here for ages and he should have arrived by now!” 

“James’s right, Lils,” Remus said. “We’ve been here at least half an hour already. Dumbledore should be here.”

James nodded, gesturing towards Remus as if to say, ‘See? I’m not the only one.’ Then he addressed the Auror and asked her is she’d heard anything. She shook her head but didn’t speak, and James glared at her.

“James…” Lily chided, and her husband turned away without a word.

Finally the outside door opened and Dumbledore walked in.

“I apologize for keeping you waiting,” he said. “Important matters delayed me this morning. You see, Bellatrix Lestrange, as well as many other Death Eaters we’ve been able to apprehend, are currently being questioned while dosed with Veritaserum. Their stories are quite riveting, I must say, especially in regards to Peter Pettigrew.”

The three friends looked at Dumbledore in surprise, but it was Lily who asked him if he was allowed to share some of those stories.

Dumbledore nodded. “Not only I can do that, but I need to ask a very specific question to you all. Every single one of Voldemort’s followers is sharing the same exact account of Peter Pettigrew’s fate, and I have to say it is quite an astonishing tale. Pettigrew was indeed working for Voldemort as a spy, and he was responsible for what happened in Godric’s Hollow,” Dumbledore said.

He then placed a hand on James’s shoulder when the latter let out a soft curse. “Yes, my boy, it’s never easy to have one’s suspicion confirmed, is it? Anyway, the rest of the story is quite different from what we always believed. When Sirius Black confronted Pettigrew, there was already a plan to put in motion. Peter was the one to kill all those Muggles, then he cut off his own finger and ran away, leaving Sirius there to take the blame.”

“That bastard! That stinkin’, filthy _rat_!” James shouted, hands in his hair.

“But sir,” Lily asked. “Does this mean that Peter is still alive?”

Her question shocked both James and Remus to the core, and they all looked at Dumbledore waiting for his answer.

“No, my dear, he’s not. But before I can tell you more, I need an answer out of you. The scene of Pettigrew’s supposed death was thoroughly examined at the time and there was no trace of anyone disapparating from there. So now I ask, is there an alternative way that you’re aware of that Pettigrew might have used to flee?”

James and Remus looked at each other, and an unspoken agreement was reached. 

“Peter was an Animagus, sir,” Remus said, and James nodded.

“Was he? Quite the feat to master such a skill on one’s own. I wouldn’t have thought Mr. Pettigrew capable of achieving it,” Dumbledore commented, looking pointedly at James who blushed. “Yes, yes, I believe the matter will have to be discussed in depth, but that’s a topic best left for another time. For now, would you mind revealing which form Pettigrew took when he transformed?”

“He was a rat, of course. Can’t believe we didn’t see it sooner,” James said, grim.

Dumbledore nodded. “Thank you, I believe this information will be very useful to the ongoing investigations. Anyway, as for the matter of Pettigrew’s death: Voldemort killed him himself. He believed him responsible for his own failure to kill you, and he made Pettigrew an example of what fate expected the ones who disappointed him.”

“Sir,” Lily interrupted. “What does this mean for Sirius?”

“Sirius Black won’t be released today, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore started, and immediately had to raise a hand to stop the outraged protests shouted by James and Remus. “However, I’m sure the matter will be declared closed within the week and you will be allowed to take him home. In the meantime, I have arranged for Sirius to be transferred to St. Mungo’s and you will all be able to stay with him until he’s recovered and declared cleared of all charges. I know this isn’t a perfect solution but I also believe that time in the hospital is what Sirius needs now.”

“Can we still see him today, sir?” James anxiously asked.

“Yes, of course. He should be brought to the interrogation room soon. Actually, I think he’s here already,” Dumbledore said, and he pointed to the glass that separated the two chambers. 

Everyone turned to look at it, too, and they could see that it wasn’t black anymore: It was now covered by a thick mist that didn’t make it possible to see through it yet, but apparently signified the presence of an inmate in the small room.

“Sir, how can we…”

Dumbledore moved towards the glass, tapped it with his wand, and it cleared affording a perfect view of the room.

At the sight that greeted them, Lily sucked in a breath and covered her mouth to keep from screaming. Remus felt his lungs constrict, and he thought he would pass out from lack of oxygen. And James… He leaned against the glass, unable to look away from the man who sat there, manacled hands bound to a ring etched on the surface of the table.

Sirius Black was 23 years old but he currently looked three times his age. His hair clung to his head, caked in dirt, and there were clearly patches of it missing, as if he’d ripped it out himself; his face was ashen, his skin grey, and his cheeks sunken; his lips were chapped, bitten, and the skin around his mouth was dry and hard. He was emaciated, worn-out, a shell, and the prison robes he was wearing seemed two sizes too big on his frame. His hands, tied to the table, were covered in small cuts, and there was blood and dirt under his fingernails. 

The worst, though, were his eyes. Sirius’s eyes had always held a whole world in them, and one could always tell by looking at them if he was angry, or happy, or excited. Emotions had always shone brightly in Sirius’s eyes, they’d been his best feature, and now they were completely empty. The vacant stare Sirius had fixed on the table in front of him was more terrifying than anything else about his appearance. 

“How…” James tried to say, but had to stop and swallow a few times before he could speak. “How do I get in?”

Dumbledore, who looked just as pained as the others about Sirius’s condition, tapped his wand against the corner of the wall that separated the chambers and a small door appeared.

James started towards it, but Lily’s voice stopped him.

“Wait, James, we’re coming, too,” she said.

“No. Just me. It has to be me, Lily. Not you, and certainly not _him_ ,” James spat, glaring at Remus, who received his words and his look like a punch to the stomach. Then James simply opened the door and stepped inside.

Lily went to Remus, hugged him tight and told him not to take it personally. 

“He’s directing his anger towards you now, Remus, but you’re not the one he blames the most. I’m sorry that you’re the easiest target since you share part of the blame, but please believe me when I say that the worst of James’s rage is directed towards himself.”

Remus nodded, let himself be held, but Lily’s words didn’t soothe his pain or his guilt. Instead, Remus kept his eyes fixed on the glass and stared at Sirius.

*

When James entered the interrogation room, Sirius didn’t react. For a moment, James stood close to the door and breathed deeply, trying to bite back the tears that threatened to escape and to steel himself, then he slowly approached the table but didn’t sit in the chair opposite Sirius. Instead, he walked to Sirius’s side and knelt down.

“Pads?” James called, but it didn’t look like Sirius even heard him. “Sirius, mate, it’s me. It’s James.”

Sirius’s eye twitched and his hands, that until that moment had been placed on the table, suddenly closed into fists. It seemed to James as if Sirius was preparing for an assault, and he had no idea how to make him relax.

“It’s just me here,” James tried. “No one else, see? Just you and me. You’re okay, you’re safe…”

Sirius let out a soft snort at that and, weirdly enough, it reassured James.

“Yeah, alright, I get your point. Safe doesn’t mean shit here, and you’re really not okay. But you will be! I’m here now, and you’ll be okay.”

While he spoke, James inched closer to Sirius until he was able to place his right hand on the back of his chair. Sirius stiffened and chanced a glance to the side, so James raised his left arm as if to signify his being harmless. 

As soon as Sirius caught sight of the stump at the end of James’s arm, he started to scream.

It was a terrified, high-pitched wail that cut James through the core and startled him enough to make him jump back and lose balance. James tumbled and found himself sitting on the floor, scared and lost, unable to think of something to do to make the awful shrieking stop.

Suddenly, an Auror apparated in the room and tapped his wand against the manacles around Sirius’s wrists. Immediately, Sirius calmed down and only his harsh breathing revealed his still agitated state.

“He’s stable now, sir,” the Auror told James. “He’s been lightly sedated and should remain calm from here on. I would advise you to sit on the other chair though, if you wouldn’t mind. It’s better for you, but especially for him, if you keep your distance.”

James nodded, thanked the Auror and, after the latter disapparated, did as he’d been told and sat on the chair in front of Sirius.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what scared you but I didn’t mean it, Sirius. I won’t touch you, okay?”

Sirius shook his head and started muttering something under his breath that James couldn’t make out. Chancing a small approach, James leaned forward to listen closely.

“Not real… Not him… Trick… Dead… Don’t believe… Lies… Pain… Will be painful… Coming… They’re here…” Sirius repeated over and over.

A sob left James’s mouth causing Sirius to suddenly shut up and look straight at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Pads,” James wailed. “I don’t know what to do, how to help. I’m here… I’m right here, you’re not in Azkaban anymore. It’s me!”

Sirius cocked his head. “Detailed. Never. Too many details,” he said, cryptically.

“I… what did you say? What details?”

“Memories. Them. Change… Make it hurt. But. No details. Cleverer?” Sirius furrowed his brow and fixed a piercing stare at James.

“Dementors, right? You’re talking about the Dementors,” James asked, and Sirius flinched. “Sorry! Shit, I’m sorry, Pads, I… Look, there’s no Dementors here, you’re not in Azkaban anymore. You’re at the Ministry!”

“Lies,” Sirius hissed, mouth opening in a feral grin and showing his ruined, yellow teeth. 

“No! I swear, I’m not lying to you!” James pleaded, placing his arms on the table and reaching for Sirius with his right hand.

Sirius’s eyes fixed once more on the stump and he leaned backwards quickly, sucking in a breath.

“This?” James asked, raising the stump. “This is what scared you earlier? What’s scaring you now?”

“Hand… Only a hand… Remains… James… Lily… Harry… Just a hand…” Sirius muttered.

A fresh wave of pain hit James, and he tried talking again, “Merlin, Sirius, it’s not… that’s not… I splinched myself! I did!”  


Sirius looked back up at James, uncomprehending.

“I stayed behind to warn you that night, to tell you that we’d ran away, but Vol… You Know Who caught me and I had to disapparate quickly. I splinched myself and that’s why you… Bloody Hell, I can’t even imagine… It didn’t even cross my mind that you might have gone to the house and seen my severed hand… Fuck, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how I will ever be able to apologize, earn your forgiveness. I…” James’s voice faltered, and he started to cry.

“Real?” Sirius asked, voice small and afraid.

“Yes,” James sobbed. “I’m real, this is real, I promise you!”

“How?” Sirius asked again, and James immediately launched into a very specific, very detailed description of the events that took place on the night of Halloween 1981, and what came after. He’d understood that the Dementors must have used Sirius’s memories to torture him, but apparently they hadn’t had the inclination to be too precise with them, and so maybe the key to get Sirius to believe him now was for James to offer as many particulars as he was able.  


It seemed to work, and Sirius listened closely to everything James said, disbelieving eyes starting to take in the unfamiliar room he was in, and to notice the differences with his cell in Azkaban. 

When James finished his story, Sirius asked, “Harry?”

“He’s okay! He’s at Hogwarts with Madam Pomfrey at the moment but he still remembers you,” James told him with a smile.

“Remember?”

“Yes! Lily bought him a stuffed animal, a dog, and Harry instantly named him ‘Pafoo’ without us prompting him. He remembers you, Sirius.”

Tears escaped Sirius’s crusted eyes, and James longed to get up and hug his friend close but he was still worried about spooking him, so he slowly extended his hand and touched one of Sirius’s fists.

“Scared…” Sirius whispered, and James nodded.

“I know. I know you are, but I promise you this is real. _I’m_ real, and I’m never leaving you again. Never, Sirius. Brother… You’re my brother, and I missed you so much. I’m sorry I failed you… I…”

Sirius slowly unfolded the hand James was touching and grabbed his friend’s. James squeezed it back, with a watery smile that Sirius wasn’t able to return.

“What now?”

“Now? Now we’ll get you released, Pads. You’ll leave here today and go to St. Mungo’s, but as soon as you’re feeling better you’re coming home with me. Well, actually, I don’t have a home at the moment, but I will! And you’ll be living in it, too,” James promised.

“You leave… this becomes… not real,” Sirius mumbled, but James understood him perfectly.

“It won’t, I… Look, for one I’m not leaving you for very long since I’ve been promised I can stay with you at the hospital. And for another, well… let’s see,” James thought for a while, then suddenly he knew he had the solution. 

“Here,” he said and he released Sirius’s hand in order to be able to unlatch the handcrafted necklace he was wearing. He held it up for Sirius to look at, and then he explained, “You see the stone hanging from the leather strip? Harry found it on the path that led to the house we had in Tuscany, and Lily placed a protective charm on it. I’ve been wearing it for months and now, if you’ll let me, I’ll put it on you so you can look at it and know this is real. It has a modified latch that I can lock and unlock one-handed. May I?”

Sirius nodded, and James got up and made his way to him once more. He stopped right behind Sirius and asked for his permission to touch him. Once he got it, James unsteadily placed the necklace around Sirius’s neck and latched it. Sirius immediately looked down at it, thus offering a view of his thin neck to James who couldn’t resist running his finger over the nape.

Sirius shivered, and James immediately stopped and returned to sit on the other chair. 

“Alright?” He asked when he could see Sirius’s face again.

“Real,” Sirius replied, and this time it wasn’t a question.

“Real,” James agreed.

*

On the other side of the glass, both Lily and the Auror had tears in their eyes. Remus held Lily close, his own eyes misty and his face pale, and looked at Dumbledore.

“Will he be alright?” 

“In time,” Dumbledore said. “He is surprisingly more coherent than I had anticipated already, and that’s a good sign. That being said, Sirius will undoubtedly need a lot of care to be able to heal. His body will quickly be fixed at St. Mungo’s but his mind, and his memories, will need time, care, and love. I’m sure he will have plenty of that, anyway, so I wouldn’t worry.”  


“Yes, he will,” Lily pledged, and Remus nodded. “He will be so pampered he’ll tire of it soon enough,” she said, trying for a joke.

Dumbledore smiled, then he excused himself and went to organize Sirius’s transfer, leaving Remus and Lily alone to look back at the two friends who sat at opposite sides of a table and started to reconnect.


	5. A Bittersweet Homecoming

A couple of months had passed since Sirius Black had been released from St. Mungo’s, and his physical appearance was much improved. He was still too thin, and his cheekbones stood out too prominently on his still sunken cheeks, but his skin looked much better and his hair had been regrown and turned back to its shiny, curled glory. His lips were still a bit chapped, and Sirius’s habit of biting into them didn’t help, but his teeth were healed and the skin around his mouth was soft once more. Sirius was as handsome as he’d been his whole life, and his youth showed once again on his face and his body. 

If people didn’t look Sirius in the eyes, they would never be able to tell about the ordeal he’d suffered and that still plagued him. However, his grey, haunted eyes hid nothing and it was often hard for his close friends, his family, to look in them. Sirius suffered from terrible nightmares, he almost never smiled, and at times he seemed to retreat into his head and get lost in it. He still had issues being touched and letting people too close, and he struggled to speak coherently. Most of his speeches consisted in single words and halted phrases.

The glaring exceptions to every rule concerning Sirius were James and Harry Potter. James was allowed to stand as close to Sirius as he wanted to, touch him without asking for permission, and he even slept in his bed more than once; and Harry was the single living being that could make Sirius Black not only smile, but laugh, too. Lily was also an exception and she was the only one who could make Sirius eat even when he didn’t want to, but she still needed to receive authorization before she could hold Sirius’s hand, hug him, or even just touch him.

Everyone else needed to keep their distance from Sirius and, even when he talked to them or listened to what they were sharing with him, Sirius never took his guard down around other people.

As for Remus Lupin, well, Sirius had only seen him once, very briefly, while he was still being held in St. Mungo’s, and then Remus seemed to have vanished. Sirius hoped he’d be back some day so that he could apologize for believing he was spying for Voldemort, but Remus never did. 

What Sirius did not know was that James, still angry and full of blame, had expressly forbidden Remus from visiting Sirius. 

Lily didn’t know that, either, and she believed Remus to be too consumed by guilt to be able to face Sirius; to that regard she was planning to soon go beat some sense into her werewolf friend.

When she finally did, Lily was shocked by what she found.

*

Remus Lupin’s life was reduced to picking up shifts at a local Muggle pub – where the perpetually fluctuating schedule more than allowed him to choose his work hours to accommodate the days around the Full – reading books, and keeping out of everyone’s way as much as possible. Aside from conversing with a few patrons while he served them their drinks, Remus never spoke with anyone and he couldn’t remember the last time someone asked him how he was feeling. 

Guilt was eating at him, cutting his appetite and preventing him from getting a good night’s sleep, and the only thing Remus wanted was to be allowed to see Sirius again. He knew better than to ask, though, as James had been adamant the last time they spoke: Remus had let Sirius be tortured by Dementors and now he didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as him. It wasn’t like Remus disagreed with James, he just couldn’t help but wish he could catch even a glimpse of Sirius and see for himself that he was recovering.

When Lily asked to floo to his place one day, at first Remus thought to find an excuse and tell her not to come, but the chance that she could be willing to talk about Sirius with him and let him know how his friend was doing was too great a temptation for Remus to resist, and so he agreed.

"Blimey, Remus, what happened to you?” Lily asked, as soon as she stepped out of the fireplace.

“Nothing, I’m good.”

“Good, are you? Sure, and my hair is purple! Don’t lie to me, Lupin, I read you like a book since first year!”

Remus sighed. “What do you want me to say, Lily?”

“You could start by telling me why in the name of Merlin you disappeared! You don’t look that busy to me, so why haven’t you come back to see Sirius? Not just at the hospital, but now that he’s back home with us! Where have you been, Remus?” Lily glared at him.

“Why don’t you ask your husband?” Remus shouted in her face, but when he saw her shocked expression he felt immediately guilty. “I’m sorry, Lils. I didn’t mean to yell at you…”

“No, that’s…” Lily waved a hand as if to dismiss Remus’s behaviour. “What do you mean I should ask James?”

“Look, Lily, maybe this visit was a mistake. I’m tired today and I don’t think we should keep talking,” Remus said, and he pointed at the fireplace in an obvious attempt to get Lily to leave.

She stood her ground and just arched an eyebrow at him, and Remus understood that there was no avoiding the confrontation. He assumed by her reaction that Lily hadn’t known about James forbidding Remus to get close to Sirius and, while he didn’t want to drive a wedge between her and her husband, Remus knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to Lily.

“James, he… That day in St. Mungo’s after I left Sirius’s room, James came outside with me, remember? He told me I wasn’t welcome anymore and that I should keep my distance. He said Sirius didn’t need me there while he tried to heal and get his life back, and that I had no right to be with him anyway. He was right, of course, so I…”

“What? He wasn’t right, Remus! I can’t believe he had the nerve to… Argh! I’m going to give him a piece of my mind, you just wait!” Lily yelled.

“Come on, Lily, that’s not… Look, don’t fight with your husband because of me, okay? James _is_ right in blaming me and… No, wait, Lily please let me finish. I know what you’re going to say, both you and James already said it: James blames himself as much as he blames me. I know, and I understand that. Still, my own faults in this situation cannot be ignored. I believed… I didn’t fight Dumbledore when he told me not to go and see Sirius… I left him in that place… I left him…” Remus stopped, unable to go on.

“Remus…” Lily went to him and took him in her arms. Remus clung to her, and tried to steady his breath and reign in his tears. “We all share the blame for what happened to Sirius, but it doesn’t do any good to any of us, let alone Sirius, to just focus on our faults. We need to help him now, we need to be there for him and offer him every and any manner of comfort.”

Lily stepped back to look Remus in the eye and make sure her words were hitting the mark.

“Lily, I understand but…”

“No buts! Sirius needs us. All of us, and that includes you. It was wrong of James to keep you away, and it was wrong of him to make you feel like you were the only one who will never be forgiven. My husband, he… You know just how strong his bond to Sirius is, and you know perfectly well how protective he is, how protective they both are in regards to one another. In a way I do understand why James wants to keep Sirius all to himself. There are times when I feel he would like me to go away, too, and leave them alone,” Lily said, but she smiled to let Remus know she wasn’t feeling bitter or betrayed about that. 

“Come on, Lils,” Remus tried to joke. “You know James would never let you leave him alone to take care of both Harry _and_ Sirius! He’d be begging on his knees for you to come back and save him within the hour!”

Lily laughed. “Not to mention they’d all starve without me. Bloody useless with a stove, those two are. Be that as it may, James always has this urge to put himself between Sirius and the rest of the world, and snarl at anyone who dares to come close, but it doesn’t mean he should be allowed! Especially if it cuts _you_ out of our lives because no one wants that! Not even James, that pillock. Besides, I firmly believe your presence would benefit Sirius and isn’t that what all of us are currently fighting for?”

“I don’t know what to do…” Remus said, dejected.

“Well, I do. You’re coming with me. Now. And you’re going to keep Sirius occupied while I beat some sense into my git of a husband,” Lily ordered.

Remus hesitated and tried to argue that it might be better to let her go back by herself first so she could warn James and Sirius that he was coming, but Lily was adamant that they go together and so, heart beating fast in his chest, Remus took Lily’s arm and they disapparated.

*

While Lily was talking to Remus, James came back down to the sitting room on the ground floor of his new house, after putting Harry down for his afternoon nap in the upstairs bedroom, and found Sirius looking out of the window.

“Well, he’s down for the count,” James said, and Sirius turned to look at him. “Alright, mate?”

Sirius nodded. “Thinking.”

“About?”

“Thoughts.”

“Ah, that’s clever, that is,” James laughed, and Sirius cocked his head ironically. “Come on, tell us why you’re so _serious_ , Sirius,” James quipped.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Funny that.”

“Thank you, I try.”

“Maybe stop?”

“Ha bloody ha. Why don’t _you_ stop stalling and tell me what’s on your mind?” James asked again.

“Remus,” Sirius said, and James paled. 

“What about him?”

“Angry? With me?”

“What? No, of course not! Why would _he_ be angry with _you_?”

Sirius frowned at James’s tone. “I believed… Suspected. Spy. He wasn’t, but… Made you suspect. T’was me.”

“No, hey, no,” James reassured, and he walked towards Sirius placing a hand on his shoulder. “No one is mad at you about anything, okay? I promise, Pads. I swear.”

“But he didn’t… Moony didn’t… Come back. Came once… Mungo’s. Then never back. Not angry, then why?” Sirius asked, confused.

James sighed, fidgeted with his glasses for a moment, then gently pulled Sirius with him to sit on the sofa. 

“It’s my fault,” James said once they were seated. “I was an arse and I said some things I might have meant at the time but that I regretted the second they came out of my mouth. I asked Remus not to come back.”

“But why?” 

“Because he… Because I blamed him. I mean, I blamed myself most of all… Still do… But I took it all out on Moony and pushed him away. I’m so sorry about that, and I’ve been meaning to apologize to him and ask him to come back, but things have been intense around here lately and I kept putting it off…” James lowered his head in shame.

Sirius nudged James with his shoulder until he looked back up at him. “No blame,” he said. “Protecting your family. My family. No blame!”

“Easier said than done, Pads,” James said, smiling a bit. “But thank you. I know you don’t blame me, but I will always blame myself.”

“Idiot,” Sirius deadpanned, and James stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Do you want to see Remus?” James asked, then. “Because if you do, I’ll go call on him now and bring him here. You just say the word, Pads, and I’ll do it.”

“Spoiling me,” Sirius said, eyes smiling even if his mouth didn’t.

“You better believe it!”

“Moony… Think he wants to? See me?” Sirius asked, worried.

“I think he’s dying to see you. He’s just staying away because he feels guilty, and because I ordered him to. But he’ll jump at the opportunity to see you, I’m sure of it.”

“Not much to see…”

“Are you kidding me? If I didn’t have Lily, I’d shag you myself, Pads!” James joked, but Sirius shook his head. “You think I’m lying? Here, let’s go ahead and do the deed. I’ll think of something to tell Lily.”

“Pillock,” Sirius said. “No shagging on t’ sofa.”

James laughed, but Sirius hadn’t finished.

“‘S not about looks. Look better now. Can face people. Don’t run away screaming. But this,” Sirius pointed at his head, “Mess. Can’t even bloody talk. Not properly.”

“Well, you can swear. That’s something, innit?”

“Can’t. Harry around. Cut my bollocks off. Lily would,” Sirius said and James chuckled, nodding.

“Sirius, Remus won’t mind any of that. He will want to see you and, if you just say the word, I’ll go and get him for you,” James offered again.

“The word,” Sirius replied, and James rolled his eyes.

“Right away, my Lord. Only, is it okay if I leave you alone in the house with Harry? Do you maybe want me to owl Moony?”

“Owl.”

James nodded. “I’ll pop in the study for a moment and write to Remus right away,” he said, getting up and moving to the door.

“Prongs?”

“Hmmm?”

“Thank you.”

*

Barely a second after James left the sitting room, Lily and Remus apparated in the hallway right in front of him.

“Bloody hell! Warn a bloke!” James yelled, hand on his heart.

“Serves you right, Potter,” Lily glared at him and pointed at Remus, making it clear that she knew about James’s misguided attempt to keep him away.

“Ah. Yes. Uhmmm…” James stuttered.

“I’m sorry, Prongs,” Remus said. “I didn’t mean…”

“Remus Lupin! Don’t you dare apologize to this arsehole when he’s the one who should grovel at your feet!” 

“Lily…”

“No,” James said. “She’s right. I’m sorry, Moony, I really am. I’ve been meaning to come see you and tell you I was wrong but I… Actually, I was about to owl you just now to ask you to come visit…”

Both Lily and Remus gaped at James.

“Is this the truth, James?” Lily enquired, skeptic.

“It is, I… I was just talking to Sirius and he asked after Moony,” James said, and Remus sucked in a breath.

“He did?” Remus asked.

“Yes. He thought you were angry with him because you didn’t come back to see him and… oww! Bloody hell, Lily! Did you just pinch me?”

“That’s the very least you deserve, Potter!” She replied. “You see what you did? Not only did you hurt Remus, you hurt Sirius, too!”

James looked down, ashamed, and Remus couldn’t stand it. He went to his friend and hugged him.

“So sorry, Moony…” James muttered against Remus’s shoulder, holding him back tight.

“I know, Prongs. I understand, and I forgive you.”

“Missed you,” James said again, and Remus nodded his assent before stepping back.

“Bloody hell, James! You have a new hand! I didn’t even notice until now…”

James raised his shiny, new, prosthetic hand that he’d used just a moment before to right his glasses, and waved at Remus with it. “Nice, eh? Got it from Dumbledore. It’s made with a special metal and it’s got magic of its own. Protective magic, too. Basically, I can raise it in front of me when someone’s shooting a curse or a hex and the hand will absorb it and defuse it,” James explained.

“It’s brilliant, mate!” Remus commented, and James winked while Lily rolled her eyes, making Remus laugh. 

Sobering up again, Remus asked, “Can I see Sirius, then?”

“Yes, he’s waiting in the sitting room,” James told him, and pointed towards the door of the room he’d just closed behind himself as he’d exited it. “Just… Don’t approach him before asking for permission, okay?”

Remus nodded, then asked if there was anything else he should do to put Sirius at ease.

“Don’t touch him without asking, not even if he touches you first,” Lily said.

“Yes, and don’t make any sudden moves. Also, if he invites you to sit down, take note of where he sits: If he chooses the armchair, it’s better if you sit opposite him; if, on the other hand, he sits on the sofa, you can sit there, too, but not too close, okay? Anyway, let him guide you, take your cues from him, and you’ll be fine,” James told Remus.

Remus took a deep breath, looked one last time at James’s and Lily’s reassuring faces, then moved towards the door of the sitting room.

He was finally going to see Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the tease! Next week our boys will finally be together, I promise :)


	6. A Conversation Is A Shared Emotion

_Previously:_

_Remus took a deep breath, looked one last time at James’s and Lily’s reassuring faces, then moved towards the door of the sitting room._

_He was finally going to see Sirius._

When the door opened, Sirius turned to look at it expecting to see James, surprised it had taken his friend so little to write to Remus. He’d been once again lost in thought but he didn’t think he’d missed much time; however, judging by the person he saw in the doorway, Sirius mused, maybe he had.

“Remus?” 

“Hello,” Remus smiled softly, entering the room and closing the door behind himself. “How are you?”

“Standing,” Sirius replied, never once looking away from Remus.

“Thank Merlin, you are. You’re looking a lot better than when I last saw you, too,” Remus commented, and he looked appreciatively at Sirius’s handsome face and his thin, but nicely built body. “I’m glad.”

“How are you?” Sirius asked in turn.

“I’m fine,” Remus replied, and Sirius shot him a doubtful look that made Remus chuckle. “Alright, I haven’t been fine but things are better now,” he said, gesturing towards Sirius, who nodded.

“James told me. What he said. Shouldn’t have. Sorry he did. Don’t blame you, Moony,” Sirius said, forcing himself to speak as clearly as he could, but still unable to string a long sentence together.

Remus closed his eyes and released the breath he’d been holding ever since he’d entered the room.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I still would like to apologize to you…”

“No need.”

“I do need it, Sirius. Please will you let me?” Remus pleaded.

“Yes,” Sirius simply replied. “Let’s sit,” he said then, and made his way towards the sofa.

Remus felt like cheering at Sirius’s choice and went to sit beside him, taking care not to be too close despite how much he wanted to. 

“I’m so sorry, Padfoot. There is so much I wish I did differently… You have no idea how many times I’ve lain in bed at night, awake and replaying the events over and over hoping I’d been strong enough to change them… When Dumbledore,” Remus started, but Sirius stiffened beside him so he stopped.

“Not… Can we… Not about… That. I can’t. Talk.” 

“Merlin, I’m sorry Sirius! I didn’t even start talking and I already bollocksed everything up, didn’t I?”

“Didn’t,” Sirius said. “Just… Made to talk. About _that_ … You know… Therapy. Healer. Hate it. When I can… Avoid. Okay?” 

Remus immediately nodded, “Of course. I understand you perfectly, and I won’t mention the past anymore. I just… Well, I guess I can’t do much else than say sorry then, can I? And I am, Sirius, I’m so sorry.” 

“Me, too.”

“You? Why are you sorry?”

“The rat was the spy. Didn’t know. Thought maybe… you. So wrong. Should never have. Sorry, Moony,” Sirius said, sadly.

“It’s okay, Pads. The circumstances weren’t in my favour back then, eh? Also from what I gathered, Peter was framing me with you just like he tried to frame you with me. As Lily would say, there’s no use in going round and round in a circle of blame. I forgive you. Will you forgive me?”

“Already have,” Sirius said, solemnly.

Remus smiled at him, grateful, then changed the topic entirely to try and lighten things up a bit.

“I saw James’s new hand just now. Bloody brilliant, eh?”

“He likes it. ‘Tin Hand’. Harry calls it. Lily’s been reading to him. Muggle book. Oz? Wizard?” Sirius said.

“Yes, _The Wizard of Oz_. Interesting choice, Baum,” Remus commented. “‘Tin Hand’, eh? What does James think of that?”

“Pouts. Every single time,” Sirius revealed, amused, and Remus laughed out loud. 

“I can’t wait to see that.” 

“Stay then. So you can. See,” Sirius said, sobering Remus up immediately.

“I’m not going anywhere, Pads. I mean, assuming that’s what you want?”

“I do. But, do you? Want that?”

“More than anything in the world,” Remus promised. “I know we just said we forgive each other, though your faults aren’t as great as my own. Don’t make that face, Sirius, you know there’s no comparison here..”

“Not a competition.”

Remus sighed, “Okay, I get it. But what I meant to say is that even if you’ve forgiven me I still want to make amends. I want to be there for you and…”

“Make amends,” Sirius deadpanned, looking away from Remus. “That all? No need. Don’t bother.”

“No, hey… hey!” Remus said, unconsciously extending a hand towards Sirius but stopping as soon as he saw him flinch. “Sorry, I’m… I won’t… Shite, I’m so sorry. Look, I didn’t mean to imply I felt obligated to stay with you because of my guilt. I just wanted to say that you’re not the only one who needs to heal. I need to as well, and I can only do that if I’m allowed to stay with you. That’s it.”

Sirius turned back and his eyes fixed on Remus’s hand, still outstretched but frozen in mid-air. Slowly, Sirius moved his own hand until it reached Remus’s, and he interlocked their fingers. Remus took a deep breath at the touch, and smiled at Sirius.

“See? Already the best medicine in the world,” Remus joked, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Ha ha,” Sirius deadpanned, and the mimicked laugh shouldn’t have been as funny as it was because Sirius still didn’t even crack a smile, but suddenly Remus started cackling and tears rolled down his cheeks. 

“And they say I’m mad…” Sirius said, and Remus doubled over still laughing. In doing so Remus pulled their joined hands forward, and Sirius with them. The movement gave him back his composure in a flash, and Remus’s eyes opened wide.

“Sorry… I…”

“Bit of warning. Next time. But okay. You can,” Sirius told him.

“I can? Touch you, you mean?”

“Yes. Not when… If I can’t see you. Startle. Scream like a banshee. Not pretty. Okay?”

“Of course, I… Thank you, Pads. It means a lot to me to know that you trust me,” Remus smiled, and tentatively turned his own hand so that he could hold Sirius’s properly, palm to palm and fingers still interlocked.

Sirius nodded, and shifted a bit closer to Remus. Before either of them could speak again, the door of the room opened and James poked his head in.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said, smiling when he took in the scene. “Only, someone’s awake and in need of his partner in crime.”

The door opened completely and James walked in with Harry, Lily just behind them.

“Pafoo!” Harry shouted, and ran towards Sirius.

Remus released Sirius’s hand and looked in awe at the beautiful smile – the very first he’d witnessed since he saw Sirius in the holding cell at the Ministry – that graced Sirius’s face while he leaned forward, arms outstretched, to pick Harry up.

“Sleep well?” Sirius asked, as soon as he had Harry curled up against his chest.

“Huh uh,” Harry nodded, looking shyly at Remus who smiled reassuringly.

“Remember Moony?” Sirius asked.

“Hello again, Harry.”

“‘Lo Moony,” Harry replied smiling. “Pafoo? We play? My circus?”

The enchanted circus was the most recent addition to Harry’s vast collection of toys, but it had quickly become a favourite. The whole production took a while to assemble – not to mention taking it down and putting it back in the box – but once done it was quite the spectacle: there was a big tent with a large stage, a ringleader, a lion tamer, a few lions that roared and jumped through rings of fire, an elephant and many other animals, too, not to mention the train track running all around the tent. 

“Not now, Harry,” Lily answered instead. “Uncle Padfoot is visiting with Uncle Moony, and you need to have your snack. Actually, Remus? Would you mind coming to the kitchen with me and helping me with the tea? Harry, why don’t you show Uncle Moony where the kitchen is?”

“Okay,” Harry replied, but before obeying his mother he looked back up at Sirius. “Later? Play later?”

“Later,” Sirius promised, and kissed Harry’s chubby cheek before letting him go. Harry immediately offered his hand to Remus, and the latter took it and got up.

Once they reached Lily, she told them to go on ahead and that she’d be by in a second, but Remus couldn’t resist shooting a last look back at Sirius. He turned and let out a worried gasp when he saw that James was sitting down so close to Sirius he might as well be in his lap. James’s right hand touched the necklace he had given to Sirius at the Ministry and that his friend was still wearing, while the prosthetic one found its place on Sirius’s knee.

“But I… I thought…” Remus stuttered.

“James is the exception. Harry, too. The rules don’t apply to them,” Lily explained. “Well, not even James touches Sirius if his back is turned or if he’s lost in his head, not without making his presence known first. Harry has free reign, but it’s not as if he can approach someone silently anyway.”

“And you?” Remus asked. “Aren’t you an exception, too?”

“I am in a way, but not as much as James.”

“No, of course not,” Remus commented, hating the bitter tone of his voice.

“Ah, don’t worry, Remus. I’m sure you’ll soon be another exception. You were already sitting on the sofa with him, and holding his hand on top of it! That’s huge. No one except myself and James has ever been allowed to sit on the sofa with Sirius until now. Well, if you don’t count Minerva McGonagall…” Lily revealed.

“McGonagall?”

“I know, right? I suppose there was some truth behind the tale of the epic love story between Sirius and _Minnie_ after all,” Lily joked and Remus chuckled. “Anyway, Remus, you managed to secure a seat on that sofa on the very first visit. Soon enough you’ll be draped all over Sirius, too.”

Trying to ignore the shiver of pleasure that ran through him when he pictured himself draped over Sirius, Remus turned his attention back to Harry, who had lost patience waiting for him to finish talking with his mother and was now trying to pull him towards the door.

"Coming, Harry,” Remus said, and followed the child out of the room.

*

Lily watched her son leave the room with Remus then turned to look at Sirius.

“I’m assuming you didn’t have _your_ snack, yet,” she said, raising an eyebrow. 

Sirius was supposed to eat five small meals a day to get his stomach used to solid foods once more, and to make sure he assimilated the right amount of calories and proteins throughout the day in order for his body to go back to its ideal weight. Of course, it was already a miracle for Sirius to sit down and eat lunch or dinner, so Lily had taken it upon herself to make sure he also consumed the other meals.

“Uhm…” Sirius stalled.

“That’s what I thought. So, there’s still a few of those Muggle cookies you like, or you can have a fruit,” Lily told Sirius, and waited for him to choose.

“I’d go with the cookies, mate,” James suggested, and Sirius nodded.

“Cookie. One. Thank you, Lily.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to work. Three cookies, Sirius, you know the rules. I’d be willing to accept you eating two, but one?” Lily shook her head pointedly.

“Bossy,” Sirius told her, but his eyes were gentle.

“Try not to forget it,” Lily replied, smiling, then turned and left the room.

Once they were alone, James asked Sirius how the conversation with Remus had gone.

“Good. Says he’s staying. Not going away again,” Sirius confided.

“Of course he isn’t. I’m sorry it took so long for me to pull my head out of my arse, I was mad but it wasn’t fair of me to take it all out on Remus.”

“No, not fair. Moony forgave you. He said.”

“Yes, he did. Always too good with us, Moony is. But do you? Forgive me, I mean?”

“Me? Nothing to forgive,” Sirius said, sincerely puzzled.

“I made you think Remus was angry at you, that you’d done something to make him stay away. I never meant…” James trailed off.

“Ah. ‘S okay, Prongs. Could’ve asked sooner. Could’ve owled Moony. Sharing the blame. As always,” Sirius said, placing a hand on James’s prosthetic one and leaning his head on James’s shoulder.

James rested with his cheek on the top of Sirius’s head, and sighed.

“Fuck, but it’s good to have you here,” was James heartfelt comment.

“Good to be here,” Sirius agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for our boys forgiving one another and reconnecting! Next week we'll see how the aftermath of a difficult therapy session can turn into a cuddle fest for Sirius. He deserves it, wouldn't you agree? 
> 
> Also, we will learn what happened to a couple of other characters whose lives were also changed by this different turn of events. But don't worry, as I said before, this story truly is all about Sirius ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading! I truly appreciate all of your amazing feedback :)


	7. Push Your Way Through the Darkness And You’ll Find the Light

It was a beautiful day in April, and Remus couldn’t wait to see Sirius. Ever since that afternoon in late February when he’d finally been allowed to reconnect with him, Remus had seen Sirius every single day. Sometimes, when he didn’t have a shift at the pub, Remus even spent the night in the second guest bedroom at the Potters’ house, and he’d learned that sitting at the breakfast table close to Sirius the morning after was definitely his favourite way to start the day.

When he apparated outside the Potters’ house, Remus impatiently knocked and smiled at Lily when she came to greet him.

“Hey, Lils. Is Sirius back, yet?” Remus asked, aware that Sirius had a therapy session scheduled that day.

“Yes, he’s… Well, come in Remus,” Lily invited, but her hesitation and serious face worried Remus.

He entered the house and started to make his way towards the sitting room but Lily stopped him.

“Look, Remus, would you mind coming to the kitchen with me for a moment before you see Sirius?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Come on, let’s just sit down,” Lily said moving away, and Remus couldn’t do anything else but follow her. 

Once they reached the kitchen and Remus sat at the table, Lily leaned against the counter and sighed.

“Today was a bad day, Remus,” she revealed. “You know that the Healer has been trying to urge Sirius to talk more about his time in the Isolation Ward, right?”

“Yes, I… Sirius said something about that, but he refused to say much more and just told me he didn’t want to talk about it.”

Lily nodded. “Savannah, the therapist, she’s very patient and very maternal, but she’s also extremely skilled and knows perfectly well the buttons she needs to push in order to get her patients where they need to go.”

“You met her?” Remus asked. “Only, I also wanted to and I asked James if I could accompany Sirius to one of his visits, but he said it was better if he went with Sirius alone…” 

Remus hated to think that James had once again decided to exclude Remus from something so important in Sirius’s life while Lily was on the other hand allowed to go.

“It is better that way, Remus; James didn’t lie to you,” Lily reassured. “I did meet Savannah but only when she came here to the house to see Sirius the morning after he had a truly bad nightmare. I never went with Sirius to a session, James is the only one allowed there. It’s something Sirius himself asked for, and Savannah agreed. It’s better for him to have some sort of structure in place, so it makes sense to have always the same person with Sirius when he goes to therapy.”

Remus thanked her for explaining, and she smiled before continuing.

“Anyway, as I was saying Savannah has been trying to encourage Sirius to open up about Azkaban, and apparently today she made a breakthrough. I don’t know what Sirius shared during session, and James wasn’t allowed in today, either, but whatever it was that came out… Well, it left Sirius in distress. Savannah assured James that it’s perfectly normal for Sirius to feel the after-effects of the session, and that he just needs to be there for Sirius and try not to let him retreat in his own head.”

“Did she say anything else?” Remus enquired. “I mean, how are we to know if Sirius needs something else, some potion to keep him calm or…”

“I have his potions, and he’ll take a Sleeping Draught before bed. Plus, I’m almost convinced my husband will sleep in Sirius’s bed tonight so any nightmares, should they occur, will be dealt with immediately. Other than that, Savannah doesn’t think Sirius will need much more than our support, our love, and our care. As I’m sure you’ve guessed, James is basically glued to Sirius right now, and I’ve been coddling him so much I’m sure Sirius will soon take out his new wand and hex me,” Lily joked.

“Can I… Do you think I could see him, too?” Remus had to ask.

“Yes, of course! I didn’t bring you here to tell you to leave, I just wanted to warn you that today is a bad day, that’s all.”

Remus sighed in relief. “I’ll go join in with the pampering, then,” he said, smiling, and Lily smiled back. “Hey, where’s Harry?”

“He’s at the Weasleys’ today. You remember Molly, right?”

“Fabian’s and Gideon’s sister, isn’t she?”

“Yes, exactly. She’s married to that nice Arthur Weasley, and they have lots of children. Her youngest, Ron, is Harry’s age and they hit it off like a house on fire since the very first time they met. I owled Molly to tell her about Sirius’s bad day, and she offered to keep Harry overnight, too. They also have Neville, Frank and Alice Longbottom’s son, there today. I swear I have no idea how Molly does it…”

“How are Frank and Alice?” Remus asked. “I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Things are better now, but they had a hard time after they read a transcript of Bellatrix Lestrange’s interrogation. Did you know about that?”

“Yeah, I… I heard Voldemort wanted her to ‘take care’ of Frank and Alice but, when he failed at Godric’s Hollow, he sent Bellatrix, along with the others, around the world to look for you and James, and that’s what saved them. I struggle to think what could have happened to them if that deranged woman had been allowed to carry out her task…” Remus shuddered.

“Yes, Alice cried to me while she thanked me for saving her, and I didn’t know what to say! I’m glad something good came from that night, at least. Well, other than our escape, of course.”

Remus nodded. “So Molly is running a day care and we have the house, and Sirius, all to ourselves,” he surmised.

“That’s about it, yes. Okay, I can see I’ve kept you long enough and you can’t wait to see Sirius. Go. Just… Thread carefully, okay? And be patient with James if he acts like a mama bear,” Lily told him, with a smile.

“I’ll do my best,” Remus promised, and left.

*

“I do think it was in fourth year,” James said, but Sirius didn’t reply. 

They were sitting on the sofa, James had his back against one of the arms of the couch and he kept one leg on it while the other was on the floor bent at the knee; Sirius, sat in between James’s legs with his own on the floor, was leaning sideways against his friend and resting his own cheek on his chest. Sirius’s arms were wrapped tightly around himself and his eyes were fixed on the small table in front of the sofa; he wasn’t lost in thought, though, he listened attently to his friend talk, but he was equally unable and unwilling to take part in the conversation.

“But then, I always remember fourth year as the best pranking year we had. I mean, fireworks in the Great Hall? At breakfast, too? Bloody brilliant, we were,” James recalled.

“We did get a whole month of detention for that, too. Or is that not something worth mentioning?” Remus offered, entering the room.

“Ah, Moony. T’was a small price to pay for our genius!”

Remus laughed, nodding. 

“Hey there, Pads,” he greeted Sirius softly, but his friend didn’t acknowledge him.

James shook his head lightly as if to tell Remus not to mind Sirius’s behaviour and to keep talking normally, so Remus came to sit on the floor beside Sirius’s legs and leaned against the sofa.

James and Remus kept reminiscing about Hogwarts and pranks and detentions for a while, making sure they kept Sirius involved even without expecting any sort of reply from him: they just needed to ensure their friend wouldn’t retreat into his own mind. At some point, when he eventually unfolded his arms, one of Sirius’s hands found its way to Remus’s shoulder and Sirius grabbed it, giving Remus the connection he’d been craving ever since he’d entered the Potters’ house.

When James kept insisting it was Slughorn’s classroom they’d used to practice the spell to place on the door of the Slytherins’ common room so that their faces would turn green as soon as they left it in the morning, and Remus tried and failed to convince him they’d been in the Astronomy Tower, Sirius finally took part in the conversation.

“Greenhouse Three. Herbology. Honestly. Fucking up memories… ‘S not just me,” Sirius muttered, startling a laugh out of both James and Remus.

“Bloody hell, Moony! Padfoot’s right!” 

“So he is,” Remus smiled. “Well remembered, Sirius.”

Remus looked at Sirius and was surprised to see him looking back.

“Hi, there.”

“Hi, Moony.”

“How are you feeling?” Remus couldn’t help but ask, even if James’s eyes widened as soon as he did.

“Uncomfortable,” Sirius replied, puzzling both his friends. “Back,” he explained then. “Position hurts.”

“Merlin, why didn’t you say something sooner?” James said, gently pushing Sirius off of him and rubbing his back.

“Didn’t want to move. Pain was better.”

“Better?” Remus asked. “Better than moving away from James?”

“Better physical pain. Distracted me,” Sirius trailed off, but the unspoken ‘from the mental pain’ was clear as day.

“I’d rather you weren’t in any pain, Pads,” James told him, and Sirius looked at him.

“Be good, that. Maybe one day…” Sirius replied, breaking James’s and Remus’s hearts in the process.

“One day soon,” Remus promised, and then tried for a joke to defuse the tension. “Actually, I feel you on the physical pain. My arse is going numb sitting on this floor!”

James laughed. “And I can’t feel my leg anymore,” he added.

“Up?” Sirius proposed, and the three of them disentangled from one another and got up.

They stood there, groaning like old men, and Lily laughed at them when she entered the room and was presented with the scene.

“What did you three do?”

“Twisted. Contorted,” Sirius said, and the others laughed.

“So business as usual, was it?” Lily commented, winking, and then she made her way towards Sirius. “Is it okay if I hug you?” She asked.

Sirius nodded with just a small hesitation, and Lily wrapped her arms around his middle, head on his chest, and caressed his back. Sirius took a deep breath and relaxed in her embrace: his arms, that at first had remained still, came around Lily’s thin frame to return the embrace, and his cheek nuzzled at her hair.

Remus looked at the pair with barely concealed envy, wanting nothing more than to be the one to hold Sirius, but knowing he had to wait for his turn patiently that day.

“Pads?” James called, and Sirius released Lily who stepped back. “I need the loo. Is it okay if I leave for a moment? Moony’s here, and Lily, and I’ll be back in a tick.”

Remus hated to see Sirius pause before replying, as if the mere thought of being without James for a couple of minutes was too much to bear. But then Sirius nodded, and followed James’s exit with his eyes.

“Why don’t you and Remus go out in the garden, Sirius?” Lily suggested. “It’s nice outside and if you get cold, I’m sure Remus can place a warming charm around you. I’ll send James out, too, as soon as he’s back, okay?”

“You’re not coming?” Remus asked.

“I have a couple of errands to run, that’s what I’d come here to tell you before,” Lily explained. “You two go ahead, and I’ll tell James to follow. Okay? Sirius?”

Sirius looked at Remus, and the latter smiled, nodding encouragingly. 

“Okay…” he said at last, and offered his hand to Remus.

Overjoyed, Remus took it and guided Sirius out of the tall window that led to the garden from the sitting room. Once outside, they both breathed in the fresh air and Remus pulled Sirius towards the small gazebo placed on one side of the garden.

“D’you want to sit?” Remus asked.

“No. Walk for a while. Okay?”

“Sure, whatever you want,” Remus said, and they started walking.

The garden was big, well-maintained, and welcoming. It completely surrounded the Potters’ house, and at one side a patch of trees marked the beginning of a trail that led to a small artificial lake. Still holding Sirius’s hand, Remus slowly walked towards the trees.

“Do you feel like going down to the lake?” He asked. “Might get a bit too cold before we get back, though.”

"Trees. Just there. Then back, meet James,” Sirius said, and Remus nodded.

“Is it okay if I keep holding your hand?” 

“Yes. Need it. Grounding. You mind?”

“Mind? If you wanted me to, I’d never let it go,” Remus pledged, passionately.

“Maybe I do,” Sirius replied, filling Remus with warmth.

They walked to the trees and back, and Remus was surprised to find that James hadn’t re-appeared yet. Surely it didn’t take that much time to go to the loo and come back? Still, Remus had Sirius all to himself and he wasn’t complaining.

“Sit. Gazebo?” Sirius asked, and Remus directed them that way.

They’d barely sat down on the long bench when James returned, wearing a jacket and carrying two more. He gave one to Remus, who hated having to let go of Sirius’s hand to put it on, and then helped Sirius into his own.

“Thank you, Prongs,” Remus said, and sat back down close to Sirius. In a bold move, he took Sirius’s hand back in his without asking permission. He was rewarded by Sirius interlocking their fingers, and he smiled at him.

“Gonna be too cold soon to be out,” James commented from his position at Sirius’s other side. “Are you staying for dinner, Moony?”

“If you don’t mind,” Remus answered.

“‘Course not! Lily’s gonna make her famous roasted chicken with vegetables, and for dessert she’s going to pick up that cheesecake you like, Pads,” James said, nudging Sirius’s shoulder with his own.

“Pampered,” Sirius commented.

“Ah, yes. Thought you’d gotten used to it by now,” James replied, cheekily, and then leaned against Sirius’s side and snuggled up to him.

“Good thinking, James,” Remus said. Then, after looking at Sirius and receiving a small nod, he also draped himself against Sirius’s other side so that he was sandwiched between his two best mates.

“Pampered, I thought. Not smothered,” Sirius commented, making James and Remus laugh.

*

Dinner was an uneventful affair. Lily wasn’t happy when Sirius just picked at his chicken and vegetables, but she managed to get him to eat the whole slice of cheesecake she put in front of him so in the end she couldn’t complain. Comfort food was, after all, something Sirius deserved after the day he’d had.

When everyone was done eating, Lily put James on dishes duty while she worked on the preservation charms for the leftovers, and invited Remus to take Sirius back to the sitting room while she and her husband worked.

“What do you say, Pads? Do you want to go or would you rather stay and wait for James and Lily? Either way is fine with me,” Remus asked, and was glad when Sirius looked at him without first checking with James. 

“Go,” he said, and Remus smiled at him.

“Be right there, okay Padfoot?” James promised.

“No rush. ‘M okay,” Sirius reassured, then took the hand Remus extended and went with him.

Once they entered the sitting room, Sirius released Remus’s hand and went to stare out of the window. 

“Hey, you okay?”

Sirius shrugged, his back still at Remus who went to stand close to Sirius but didn’t attempt to touch him.

“Cheesecake was great,” Remus offered, afraid to stay silent and allow Sirius to close off. “Now I know why it’s your favourite.”

“Different flavours. Cheese. Fruit. Crumble. Sweet, but not really. ‘S what I like,” Sirius explained.

“You always had a sophisticated palate.”

“No, that’s…” Sirius trailed off, turning to look at Remus with impatience. Remus felt like cheering: emotion, any kind of emotion, was so much better than apathy. 

“That’s what?” Remus asked.

“Not what I meant. Eating one thing… One flavour. One texture. After a while… can’t taste anymore. Different flavours? Works. Keeps the hunger,” Sirius revealed.

“I understand, thank you for explaining. We shall have to experiment more with food from now on; find something that keeps you interested the whole time,” Remus smiled. 

Sirius gave a slight nod, “We’ll see. Lily’s a good cook. But… Savannah says…” Sirius shivered, and didn’t continue.

“Hey, no… Come on, finish your thought,” Remus entreated. Then, slowly raised a hand giving Sirius ample time to move or just tell him to stop; when he didn’t, Remus clasped Sirius’s shoulder and moved closer to him. 

“Savannah…” Sirius started again. “Says I should cook. Me. Learn to so I can… Find food I like.”

“That’s a wonderful idea! I should learn, too, maybe we could do it together,” Remus offered, smiling. “James as well.”

Sirius cocked his head at the thought, but didn’t seem too inclined to complain and Remus counted it as a victory.

“Savannah sounds really good at her job,” Remus chanced, hoping he wasn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

“Is. Bit bossy. Doesn’t take no for answer. Isn’t fooled easily…”

“I like her, already,” Remus commented, relieved, but didn’t press on.

“Me, too. Just… Wish didn’t have to… Talk about… _that_. ‘S over. Want to forget. Why can’t I? Just forget?” Sirius asked, pain shining brightly in his eyes.

“Okay, tell me to stop if you don’t want it, but I’m gonna hug the piss out of you right now,” Remus told him. 

When Sirius didn’t utter a word, Remus took him in his arms and held him tight. He was pleased to feel Sirius’s arms come around his middle and his hands clutch tightly at his jumper, and Remus kept one hand in Sirius’s hair caressing it softly, while the other ran circles on his back.

They stayed locked like that for a while, and Remus could hear the door of the room opening and closing again. He imagined it had to have been Lily because James would have surely come barging in and taken Sirius in his own arms. 

James was getting a lot better at sharing Sirius with Remus, but he still felt the urge to be the first line of defence between Sirius and the rest of the world. His wife and other best friend included.

“Come on. Come sit down,” Remus said, and Sirius let himself be led towards the sofa.

Once they were seated, and he had once more taken Sirius’s hand in his own, Remus spoke.

“When Dumbledore came to my parents’ house the very first time to tell them I would be allowed to attend Hogwarts despite my ‘furry little problem’, I was terrified. My mother was anxious but happy about it, and my dad was suspicious, but me… I was scared pantless. I thought I would be found out, lynched, maybe even killed. And I refused to go.”

Sirius’s eyes widened. “Really? You never said…”

“I know. I don’t like to talk about that,” Remus said. “I told them I wouldn’t go, I thanked Dumbledore and told him to forget it. You know what he said? I remember it like it was yesterday… He said ‘Remus, the only way to get past your fears is to confront them. You can only come out of the dark if you endure it, push through it, and find the light.’ And I wanted to yell at him that it was easy for him to say, that he didn’t _know_ , but at the same time… I could feel he was right, and so I agreed to go. And look where that got me… I found you. And James, and Lily. I found my family.”

Sirius had tears in his eyes, and he blinked them away before saying, “My dark… Too dark for me… I don’t…”

“You’re not alone in it, though. Savannah’s there with you. James is here, and Lily. Harry, too, in his own way. I’m right here with you and I’ll do what I can to help you get back into the light. Will you trust me?”

“I do,” Sirius said, and pulled Remus close by their joined hands, then hugged him. Their sitting positions didn’t allow for much contact and only their chests and their knees were touching. 

Sirius burrowed his face in Remus’s neck and breathed deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it’ll be my birthday this coming Sunday (the 21st,) I’ve decided to post a new chapter then, too, so in a way you guys can celebrate with me if you want to. This means I’ll finish posting a week early than expected but, tbh, I’m surprised I held out this long before breaking my “one chapter a week” rule! Lol! Patience is definitely not my forte ;)
> 
> Anyway, see you Sunday for an update but don’t worry, you’re still getting another chapter the following Thursday.
> 
> Thank you, guys!


	8. Under the Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, bonus chapter today for my birthday :)

Looking back to his first month of therapy, Sirius couldn’t help but admit that things had unquestionably improved. Savannah Johnson, a lovely, dark-skinned, sixty years old Mind Healer whose niece, Angelina, was just a few years older than Harry, was quite renowned in her field and had helped many witches and wizards deal with grief, loss, and post-traumatic stress disorder after the war. She’d immediately taken a shine to Sirius, and her calm but determined demeanour had been exactly what he needed to confront the ordeal he’d suffered during the months spent in the constant clutches of the Dementors.

Under Savannah’s watchful and maternal eye, Sirius had started to unravel his seclusion in the Isolation Ward and to confront the plethora of issues it had left him with. His speech was still stilted, but Sirius had followed his therapist’s advice and learned to cook so he was now eating better and filling up nicely. James and Remus learned with Sirius, and Lily often had to chase them out of the kitchen when they made a mess. Of course, her destroyed kitchen non-withstanding, everyone could see how pleased Lily was with Sirius’s improvements.

Savannah also succeeded in making Sirius speak of the torture the Dementors had subjected him to in Azkaban: about how their relentless presence had made it impossible for his body to find warmth, and how their ‘attentions’ wreaked havoc on his mind. The nights were especially gruesome because the Dementors usually allowed the inmates to fall asleep, if they were still able to, but as soon as any sort of dream entered their minds they would jump on them and start twisting and twisting the dreams until the person woke up screaming. 

The only reason why Sirius hadn’t completely lost his mind, as had happened and was still happening to the people detained in the Ward, was his ability to turn into Padfoot at night and get some sleep. The Dementors couldn’t perceive dogs’ emotions as clearly as they did humans’, and simply skipped Sirius’s cell to prey on other inmates when he was Padfoot, attributing his confusing emotions to the fact that his judgement was slowly decaying.

The aftermath of those conversations was always painful for his friends and family to witness and often resulted in them having to stick to Sirius like glue; nonetheless, more and more Sirius was able to confront his past and come out of it stronger.

*

Sirius saw Savannah twice a week and they had one private session with just the two of them while James sat outside the office, and another one that James was welcome to sit in. On one of those days, Remus had been allowed to attend a session along with James, and things had gone better than expected. Savannah had been glad to meet the Moony she’d heard so much about, and Remus finally had his chance to thank the Healer for all she was doing to help Sirius.

When the session ended, Sirius and James went outside but Remus stayed behind.

“It has been good to meet you, Remus,” Savannah smiled.

“Likewise, Mrs. Johnson. I feel indebted to you for forcing me to learn to cook something other than scrambled eggs,” Remus told her, and she laughed.

“Ah, yes, Sirius did regale me with more than one story about your attempts at cooking. What was it that almost had Mrs. Potter throw you all out of the house? Burned bread or…”

“Lasagne. We put it in the oven, then simply went down to the lake at the end of their property and forgot all about it… I think the smoke was visible from London at some point,” Remus recalled, chuckling. “We got better, though.”

Savannah grinned back. “It would have been impossible to get worse, I’d say,” she joked. “Now, why don’t you tell me what you actually wanted to talk about? I doubt you stayed behind to talk about burned lasagne.”

Remus flushed. “Yes, I… Well, I know that Sirius told you about me. My… condition. It’s okay, I gave him permission to speak of it and he told me you don’t have a problem with it.”

“Of course, I don’t!”

“Thank you,” Remus smiled, “Unfortunately, it’s not a given. Anyway, the Full is next week and Sirius told me he and James would like to join me for it this month. Do you think it’s a good idea or should I try to find a reason to tell them not to?”

During the long conversation about Peter’s Animagus status that James had with Dumbledore he’d also come clean about his and Sirius’s animal counterparts, and the Headmaster had expedited their addition to the Animagus registry. It was now common knowledge that Sirius Black and James Potter were Animagi, and Sirius had told Savannah the reason why they’d mastered the transformation in the first place.

“I think it’s a great idea, Remus,” Savannah declared. “I do believe it will do Sirius a lot of good to be the caregiver for once. He has been – and still will be for quite some time – in need of your help and support, but I think he needs to feel like he’s also giving something back and not just receiving. Besides, Sirius recalls his time spent with you and James during the full moon as enjoyable, and I think he would benefit from having some sort of good time now. I know it’s not the same for you, Remus, and I’m very sorry about that, but you also do get some kind of relief from having your friends with you during the change, don’t you?”

“I do. It’s… I can’t even describe how much better it is for me to have them there. The wolf is never as vicious with me as it can be, not when Padfoot and Prongs keep it company. Padfoot, especially…” Remus confided.

“Good, then I think you should agree and let them come. Also, if I can give a suggestion?” Savannah waited for Remus’s nod before continuing, “I think you should let Sirius be the one to see to your needs the morning after. I don’t mean to imply you have to ask James to leave, just make sure Sirius is the one to help you the most. It’s something I think he needs to do.”

Remus truly didn’t have a problem with that, and the thought of having Sirius close in the aftermath of the Full was already lifting his spirit.

*

Padfoot’s senses were heightened that night, and he was aware of everything that was around him in the Forbidden Forest. The strong odour of his stag friend, sharp and poignant, yet also calming, reassuring; the whistling of the wind through the trees and the foliage; the smell of the wet grass, and the texture of the dirt under his paws. Most of all, Padfoot’s nostrils were attuned to the mutable scent of the boy who was currently kneeling on the ground and screaming in agony, bones breaking and rearranging until a wolf stood in his place and the scent became completely different.

The stag moved towards Padfoot protectively as soon as the wolf caught sight of them, but the dog didn’t want to be shielded. He wanted the wolf to come to him, reacquaint itself with Padfoot, accept him once more into its pack. Padfoot moved around the stag and only stopped when the wolf approached him.

The wolf took a whiff of the stag and cocked its head in apparent recognition, then focused solely on Padfoot. It approached the dog and lowered to his eye-level, forcing Padfoot to look down and let the wolf assert his position as alpha of the pack. When the wolf was satisfied, it started sniffing, licking, and gently biting Padfoot, while it circled him and examined him closely. At one point, the wolf covered Padfoot’s body completely with its own, and lay on the dog’s back almost protectively. The dominant position had all the makings of a sexual advance, but the wolf didn’t thrust against the dog: it just enveloped him as if to hug him, covering him in its scent completely to make any other predator aware of whom exactly the dog belonged to, and rubbed its head against the dog’s.

Satisfied at having marked Padfoot as its own, the wolf led the small pack inside the Forest and they ran. Padfoot remained close to the wolf, though even if he had tried to go his separate way he wouldn’t have been allowed to since the wolf made sure to constantly control Padfoot’s direction with head-butts and gentle nips to his fur. The stag remained close, too, and surveyed Padfoot’s and the wolf’s playful ‘banter’.

The night went by in a flash of slick leaves, puddles, mock-fights, and rabbits to chase, and before Padfoot was even aware of the passing time, dawn rose on the horizon. The wolf staggered back, away from Padfoot and the stag, and it crumbled down in a pained heap, its howls piercing the dog’s ears.

Padfoot didn’t wait for the transformation to be completely done and, as soon as the elongated face of the wolf shifted back into its human counterpart, Sirius reappeared. He kept away from Remus until he was sure the change had finished and then, as requested beforehand, he alone went to kneel beside the prone, naked body of his friend.

“‘S okay, Moony. It’s done,” Sirius said, gently. “Help now.”

As delicately as he could, Sirius started touching Remus’s body to check for broken bones, and was relieved when he didn’t find any. Remus’s skin was torn in places, and his hands and feet were bleeding, but Sirius took care of that with a simple healing spell. Once home, they’d have to make sure Remus took his potions and had plenty of rest, but for the moment Sirius took care of everything that needed immediate attention with a swift flick of his wand.

When he finished, Sirius looked at Remus and was happy to find his friend staring back at him.

“How are you? Hurt more?”

Remus shook his head, “Bit of a headache, and sore throat, but I’m okay.”

“Good,” Sirius said. “Apparate? Go back to James’s? Can you?”

“Can we wait… Just a minute? I need to catch my breath,” Remus replied, and Sirius nodded, eagerly.

Taking off his robe, Sirius helped Remus into it and then, shivering a bit in just a T-shirt and jeans, he sat close to him and gently caressed his hair while Remus rested.

“Pads?” James called, and Sirius looked at him. “Do you want me to stay with you or should I go back to the house now? Make sure everything’s ready for you and Moony when you come back?”

Sirius thought for a bit, then, “Go. We’re okay. Right, Moony?”

Remus smiled and nodded, and both friends looked at James until he disapparated.

“Was it… okay?” Remus asked. “Did the wolf cause any trouble?”

“Fine. Protective. Missed me, I think.”

Remus blushed, “Uhm… Why do you say that? Did the wolf… Uhm… Did it…”

“What?” Sirius asked, puzzled. 

“Try anything, I mean…”

“Not sure. Scented. Wanted to stay close. Licked. Few nips. Same as ever,” Sirius explained, and Remus relaxed.

“Okay, good, I… Good. But how are you feeling? Was it a difficult night for you?”

“No, all good. Padfoot always helps. Missed the wolf. Padfoot did. Touching reunion,” Sirius joked, and Remus croaked out a laugh.

Sirius couldn’t help shivering again in the cold air of the morning, and Remus struggled to sit up.

“Come on, let’s go home. We’ll catch a cold here if we wait any longer, and I think a bath will do us both a world of good,” Remus said, picking a leaf out of Sirius’s unkempt hair.

Sirius nodded, helped Remus to stand, and then, still holding onto him, disapparated them together.

*

The afternoon of the same day found Sirius in Harry’s room. The little boy had been disappointed when he’d woken up and been told not to bother his Godfather and let him sleep so, as soon as he could, he grabbed his _Pafoo_ , brought him to his toy chest, and forced him to play. Not that Sirius needed to be convinced to spend time with Harry, of course.

They were on the carpeted floor, lying on their stomachs watching Harry’s toy soldiers fight a battle against little gnome puppets, all enchanted by Sirius to put on a display for them, when the door of Harry’s room opened and James poked his head in.

“Who’s winning?” He asked, grinning.

“‘Nomes!” Harry replied, enthusiastically.

“Let me guess, Harry is gnomes and Sirius is soldiers, right?”

Harry clapped his hands, and Sirius nodded gravely.

“Baby Prongs always wins.”

James laughed out loud, “That’s my boy!” He shouted, proudly, and Harry grinned. “Try not to tire out your Godfather too much though, Harry, okay?”

“Why? Pafoo was in bed sooooo much this _monnin’_!” The boy protested.

“Yes, but he didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“You didn’t?” Harry asked Sirius. “Bad dreams?”

Sirius sat up and caressed Harry’s head. He felt guilty that his Godson had to know about his nightmares, although it would have been impossible to hide them from him completely, even with the silencing spells put in place. 

“Nah. No dreams. Did some things, wasn’t sleepy,” Sirius explained.

“What things?” Harry wanted to know.

“Never you mind that,” his father admonished. “Now, Harry your mother would like you to put your toys away and come downstairs for a snack. Your Uncle Sirius, too. Also, Uncle Remus is waiting for us in the sitting room so let’s go keep him company, alright?”

“But, daddy! I _dinna_ see Pafoo all day!” Harry protested, exaggerating, but clearly on the verge of throwing a tantrum about having to give up his favourite uncle.

“Harry,” Sirius intervened, “Your puzzles. Moony is great with them. Play all together?”

Harry pouted for a moment still, but soon he brightened up again and nodded. 

“Okay! The Hog _whatts_ one!” He yelled, and then jumped up, put away the dolls, and grabbed the box with the puzzle he’d chosen.

James helped Sirius up, smiling, and then all three made their way to the sitting room.

*

Watching the enchanted puzzle piece he’d just identified as part of the Gryffindor Tower take its place on the board, Remus felt at peace. The full moon had come and gone, and while he still felt sore and ache-y, he’d survived it basically unscathed and he now had weeks of peace before the next. Having Sirius with him the morning after had been wonderful, and Remus hoped his friends would feel up to join him the following month too.

It was good to have them there, and it was especially good to let Sirius see to his injuries and take care of him. Remus had selfishly, and a bit foolishly, hoped that Sirius missed some injury while he was checking him over so that he might keep touching Remus. Weirdly enough, despite the hugs and the hand-holdings, that morning right after the Full had been the very first time Remus had felt Sirius’s hands on his body for more than a mere minute, and he hadn’t wanted it to stop.

“And this one?” Harry asked, shaking Remus out of his thoughts.

“Top of the tower. Ravenclaw,” Sirius directed, and the puzzle piece floated in its place immediately. 

Sirius was sitting on the floor with his legs open wide, and Harry was sitting in between them. The intense look of concentration on the boy’s face made Remus smile. 

“Moony?” Harry called, looking up at him. 

“Yes?”

“Do the next one!” Harry ordered, and pointed at one particular piece that depicted nothing more than bricks.

“Tough one,” Remus replied from his position on the sofa, then called the piece to him to look at it closely. “What do you say, Pads? Prongs? Part of the wall around the entrance?”

“Looking at the board, I’d say Clock Tower,” James replied, and Lily nodded.

“Clock,” Sirius agreed, so Remus directed the puzzle piece there and was satisfied when it found its place immediately.

They sat there, building up the 3D version of Hogwarts Castle and trading stories with Harry about the real one, until Lily declared it time for dinner and they relocated to the kitchen. Remus was invited to stay the night, too, and he readily agreed.

All in all, Remus thought, this had been the best Full he’d had since before the war started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: who’s ready for Sirius and Remus to spend some time alone? Yep, me too ;)
> 
> Thank you, everyone :)


	9. A Weekend in June

“Look, I’m not saying he can’t go. I’m just… I just… Why can’t he just have dinner there and then come back here for the night? I don’t understand why…”

“James,” Lily said sternly. “We’ve been talking about this for days now and your objections have been noted and debunked many times. Sirius wants to go, he wants to spend Saturday and Sunday with Remus at his cottage. It’s just one night, and you haven’t slept in Sirius’s bed in more than a month. He can cope without you.”

James paced nervously, a hand in his hair. “What if he has a nightmare? What if he simply wakes up during the night and he can’t remember where he is because the room is unfamiliar? What if…”

“James, for Merlin’s sake! Remus will be there with him, and he’s more than capable of taking care of Sirius. Besides, they can apparate back here at any time if Sirius needs it, and the floo will remain open, too. You can even check on them through it, if you want, though I will kill you if you do it more than once a day,” Lily tried to reason with her husband.

Of course Lily was worried about Sirius, too, but she was certain that things would be taken care of perfectly by Remus. Besides, when Remus first broached the subject, Sirius immediately agreed. He didn’t even take some time to think and, wonder of wonders, he didn’t check with James first before replying. It was a huge accomplishment that even Savannah had recognised and lauded. 

James was the only one who remained unconvinced about the idea.

Lily knew that James still wanted to keep Sirius shielded, protected, safe and, as unfair as this description might seem, that he also wanted to occupy the most important place in Sirius’s life. However, her husband would soon have to accept that there were other people in Sirius’s life and that their places were, if not equal to James’s, still significant in their own, different, way. 

Remus’s role in Sirius’s life was fundamental as far as Lily was concerned, and she knew that, while James had been everything Sirius had needed in the very beginning of his recovery when he’d clung to the knowledge that his chosen brother was still alive and gripped James tight in the process, now that things were slowly getting better Sirius needed Remus more. 

There were other parts of Sirius’s life that needed exploring, healing even, and those could only be tackled by his relationship with Remus. Lily didn’t know if Remus’s obvious feelings for Sirius would ever be returned. She had no idea if Sirius could even still be able to experience physical or emotional closeness to another person, be it a man or a woman. Still, tiny things she’d observed in the way Sirius behaved around Remus made Lily almost sure that, if allowed to, things might develop in that direction with time.

“Darling, listen to me,” Lily said, gathering her husband in her arms and patting him softly on the back. “Sirius will be fine. He can call you to him if he needs you, and he can come back here at any time. There is nothing that can happen to him while he’s with Remus that can’t be taken care of in the blink of an eye. You know that, I know you do.”

James, his glasses askew and his voice muffled because his mouth was pressed against Lily’s neck, muttered, “I know. But…”

“But nothing. Now stop freaking out and don’t let Sirius see you nervous, or you’ll either guilt him into not going or make _him_ feel nervous even when he’s not. And if you do that, James, I’m hexing you,” Lily threatened.

“I’ll try,” James promised, stepping back from his wife and offering her a smile. Lily could see how uncertain he still was but decided to take the victory point and drop the subject.

*

“…And you can floo me at any time, day _and_ night, okay? If you need to be back, you apparate here immediately; but if you feel distressed just call me through the floo and I’ll come get you! Don’t splinch yourself trying to come here! Promise me, Pads… Also, if you…”

Lily stepped in front of her husband and put a hand on his mouth. 

“Right! Have a good time, you two,” she said, cheerily, to Remus and Sirius.

Remus smiled at her, but Sirius kept his eyes fixed on James.

“‘M gonna be fine,” Sirius said. “Don’t worry.”

James closed his eyes and stepped around his wife to move towards Sirius. Once he reached him, James held him tight and Sirius clung back.

“Sorry, Padfoot. I’m an arse, don’t mind me.”

“Do mind. And you’re not. But I’m better. Stronger. Can be away. Still need you, though. Okay?”

“Okay,” James replied, releasing Sirius. “Now go you two, before my wife takes out her wand and hits me with a stinging hex!”

“Everything will be fine, Prongs,” Remus said when Sirius stepped back towards him and grabbed his hand. “I promise I will call you if I need you. Trust me, okay?”

“I do, Moony,” James reassured, and smiled while his friends disapparated.

As soon as they were out of the house, James turned to Lily.

“And I thought my mother was exaggerating when she spoke of separation anxiety!” James said.

Lily laughed out loud and went to kiss her husband.

*

Remus was quite happy with how things turned out during their time alone together. Sirius reacquainted himself with the Lupins’ cottage, perused and enjoyed Remus’s herb garden, and then they cooked and ate lunch together making sure to have plenty of leftovers for dinner so they wouldn’t have to bother cooking again until the following day. 

After taking a long walk on the hills around the cottage, they relaxed on the sofa and watched Remus’s Muggle television, that he’d bought a few months prior after watching it and learning how to use it in the pub where he still worked. Sirius teased Remus immensely for his suspiciously accurate knowledge of the soap opera they stumbled on, and even if Sirius wasn’t sure what soap had to do with people falling in and out of love and being dramatic about it, he decided not to enquire.

With dinner done, Remus busied himself with the dishes and told Sirius to go back to sit on the sofa and see if he could find something to watch on the television, possibly without exploding anything. Sirius didn’t make any promises.

Remus made quick work of the dishes, and when he was done he realised he couldn’t hear any sound coming from the living room. 

“Sirius?” He called, but no reply was forthcoming. 

Curious and bit worried, Remus went to check and found Sirius sitting on the floor with a photo album open on his lap. Cursing himself for not hiding the blasted thing beforehand, Remus cautiously approached Sirius.

“What do you have there?” 

When Sirius didn’t reply and didn’t look away from the picture he was currently staring at, Remus chanced it and just sat down next to him.

The photo Sirius was enthralled with depicted the four of them, the Marauders, holding one another tight. Remus remembered perfectly when that picture was taken: Gryffindor common room, near the end of seventh year, after one of the numerous parties they’d organised. Dorcas Meadows’ parents had sent her a camera, and she’d been taking pictures of everyone that night. When she asked the four of them to pose, they’d all stood in front of the fireplace and held one another as tight as they could to see who would make the weirdest face. 

In the photo, Remus was squeezing Peter’s throat with his forearm while Peter gripped his middle with both arms as hard as he could; a grinning James had his arms around both Remus’s and Sirius’s necks, but while Remus was facing the camera, Sirius was turned towards James and had his arm around James’s stomach, while his hand grasped at Remus’s shirt. Their expressions varied from fake grimaces to laughter, and they looked for all the world like they were untouchable and inseparable. 

Despite how wrong the image it projected was, the picture was still a lovely depiction of brotherhood – and it was obviously breaking Sirius’s heart. Not to mention Remus’s.

“Pads… Hey, would you look at me?”

Sirius sighed and glanced up at Remus, but soon he was staring back at the picture again.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said. 

Apparently that was the right thing to say because Sirius finally looked at him.

“Why?”

“I shouldn’t have left this lying around,” Remus explained, pointing at the album.

“Didn’t want me to see?”

“No! Of course not! You can look through it as long as you like, Sirius. I just… I don’t like that it’s making you sad.”

“Not sad,” Sirius surprisingly revealed.

“No?”

“Nah. Just… Didn’t remember,” Sirius told him, nodding his head towards the photo. “When this was. Didn’t. Thought about it. Now I do. Some.”

“Oh, well… good. I’m sorry if I thought... Well, looking at some of our pictures all together makes _me_ sad, so I believed…” Remus trailed off.

“Yes, bit sad. Bit angry. Feel stupid, too. But mostly… trying to place it. The memory.”

Remus nodded, and they both looked back down at the moving picture.

“Idiots,” Sirius commented.

Remus chuckled, “Yes, we were, weren’t we?”

“Hmmm. Different life.”

“It certainly seems so, yes,” Remus commented, nudging Sirius’s shoulder. “Want to look at some more pictures? Recall some more memories?”

When Sirius nodded, Remus suggested they sit on the sofa to do that. They sat there browsing the photo album for a while, Sirius pausing to look at this or that picture when he needed to. When Remus turned another page, the photograph they found gave both of them pause.

“When was this?” Sirius asked.

“Uhm…” Remus played for time. Of course he knew perfectly well when that particular photo of Sirius, smiling openly one second then turning to gaze at someone standing out of frame, had been taken. He just didn’t want to discuss exactly how or why he’d come in possession of it.

“Well?” Sirius asked again.

“Yeah, uhm… T’was the evening of the first Order meeting, you remember? We all stayed together in the house afterwards, had a drink, listened to some records. Someone had a camera, and this happened.”

“You didn’t take it?”

“No, I… You know I’m rubbish with a camera. Cutting off heads right and left,” Remus quipped.

“Then who?”

“I don’t… Why does it matter?”

Sirius looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “Why are you blushing?”

Remus spluttered, blushing even further. “I’m not, I… You know, I think it was Gid. He took pictures that night,” he revealed.

“And why…” Sirius started, but Remus interrupted.

“Tea? Only, I quite fancy a cuppa,” he said, trying and failing to derail the conversation.

“Remus,” Sirius said, stopping him leaving with a hand on his arm. “Why do you have this?”

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Does it bother you that I do?” He had to ask.

“Bother? No. Just… Want to know why.”

“Why… I asked for it, didn’t I? Saw Gideon take it, asked to have a copy,” Remus confessed, eyes still closed.

“Look at me?”

Remus did, reluctantly… and something unprecedented happened. Although Remus had seen Sirius smile a few times in the past months, he’d usually done so when Harry was in the room. Remus was sure James had been on the receiving hand of one or two of those smile since Azkaban, but Remus never had.

Until now.

Sirius’s sweet smile took Remus’s breath away, and he was ashamed when he could feel his eyes fill up with tears.

Still smiling softly, Sirius cocked his head at Remus’s emotion. “Tell me why?”

“Why what?”

“The photo. You wanted it. Why?”

In lieu of a reply, Remus traced Sirius’s smiling lips with a finger and then caressed his face.

“Use your words. Savannah says,” Sirius told him.

“I wanted it because it’s you. Because you were laughing. Because you were happy in it. Because I was the one you were looking at when you turned from the camera. And because… I…” Remus couldn’t finish. He wasn’t even sure if he should finish.

“Because?”

Remus decided to take a leap of faith and hoped he wouldn’t have to crash painfully to the ground when he landed.

“Because I love you, Pads,” he said simply.

“Then? Or now?”

“Always. I think I always did, even before I knew what it meant. Even before I found out that boys could feel like that about other boys. I loved you.”

“Didn’t know, did I?” Sirius asked, memories clearer but still quite fuzzy in his head.

“No, you didn’t. At least I don’t believe you did. I think James suspected, and it’s possible Lily guessed, but I didn’t tell anyone about it.”

“Why not?”

“I… Sirius, I didn’t think you could ever return my affections. Not that way, at least. You’re into girls, and I… Well, I’m not exactly in your league anyway, am I?”

Sirius gaped at him. “League? Bugger that!” He stopped, shook his head, then continued, “I do like girls. Did, I mean. Now, I… Girls… Too much work. But, I also like boys. Thought you knew.”

It was Remus’s turn to gape at Sirius. “I did not know that! How could I? I only ever saw you with women!”

“Well, yes. Didn’t say I had experience. Just that I like. Blokes.”

“And how could I know that, if you didn’t tell me? I fudged my way through Divination as much as the next person, you know?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes, then pointed back at the picture.

“Was looking at you here. No Divination needed.”

And yes, okay, Sirius’s expression in the picture _might_ be described as longing, and yes he was indeed looking at Remus then, but only half of his face was visible and the lights could have been playing tricks. Also, Remus’s own recollection of the event was distorted by his own longing and it couldn’t be trusted. But what Sirius was saying now…

“You mean…”

"I mean.”

“But you never said…” Remus started, but Sirius’s pointed glare halted him. “Alright, I get it. I never said, either, no need to burn holes through my face. I did say it now, though.”

Remus hoped Sirius would get the not-so-subtle hint he’d just thrown his way.

“Loved you,” Sirius said, and Remus’s heart soared for a moment, before plummeting when he took in the use of the past-tense.

“Then? Or now?” Remus asked, repeating Sirius’s earlier question.

“I’m sure about then. Now is… Messy. I am messy. You know. I believe I do, Moony. Love you. But… Not the same as before. Different. Like me. I’m different. Love different, too… Like with James. Brothers always, but now… Clingy, needy, can’t be away. Different, you see?” Sirius visibly struggled to explain himself.

Remus could see how much his strained speech still plagued and upset Sirius, and he wished with all his might that there was some way to help him with that. Savannah was extremely pleased with his progress, but she was afraid Sirius’s speech impairment might turn out to be permanent. He had improved, and would probably keep on improving, but there was the very real possibility that he would never be completely rid of it. Of course, after everything he’d suffered in Azkaban, to come out with only a slight difficulty expressing his thoughts as lasting damage was a miracle.

“James is just as clingy as you are, Pads, and what’s his excuse?” Remus joked, trying to help Sirius relax.

It seemed to work, and Sirius threw a small smile at Remus. “Mama bear, Lily calls him. But do you understand? What I said? About different?”

“I do, Padfoot. I do. And at risk of sounding like a lovesick idiot, though that’s quite possibly what I am… I’m good with anything you’re able to give me. More than good, actually. Anything at all, as long as I can be with you.”

“Could be quite little. For a while,” Sirius told him.

“Anything, didn’t I say that?”

“Yes. You said. But listen… okay?” Sirius waited for Remus’s nod. “Touch is difficult. Better with you. Can hug, hold hands, touch. Want to. But sex… Not sure if…”

“Sirius wait, let me just…” Remus interjected, “In the interest of full disclosure – and not to ever make you think I don’t want you because I do, very much so – I will say here and now that yes, the idea of having sex with you is quite appealing to me. That said, intimacy doesn’t start and end with sex. If you feel like you’re not comfortable with anything more than letting me hold you, pet your hair, and just simply feel you close, I will not only accept it but be perfectly happy with it.”

“Not perfectly…”

“Sod perfection! Having you with me, in my arms, and being able to see you, talk with you, touch you, maybe even kiss you… To be honest, it’s so much more than I ever thought I would get. How could I not be overjoyed about it?”

Sirius looked down for a second and when his eyes met Remus’s again, the expression on his face took Remus’s breath.

“Not saying never, Moons. Sex. Now I can’t. Now we start slowly. In time? I think so. And yes, kisses. No maybe about it.”

Remus smiled and leaned forward until his nose almost touched Sirius’s. 

“Now?” He asked, and Sirius nodded.

Their lips met in a chaste kiss, and Remus immediately drew back to gauge Sirius’s reaction and take his cues from him. When he saw Sirius nod, Remus went in again for a second kiss and this time Sirius’s mouth opened under his own. They kissed gently and almost lazily for a while, but when Remus moved closer still, the photo album he’d had on his legs tumbled to the ground, startling them.

Remus stopped the kiss and chuckled, and he was happy to see Sirius smile, too. Remus’s hand caressed Sirius’s face, and he cocked his head to nuzzle at Remus’s palm.

On the floor, a younger, more carefree version of Sirius kept smiling at them before turning to stare tenderly at Remus, unaware that both their longing days had finally come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week: for the final chapter, the Epilogue, there will be a bit of a time jump. You’ll see :) 
> 
> Thank you for your amazing feedback!


	10. Epilogue: Two Years Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Epilogue comes a day early because, coincidentally, when I posted the extra chapter on my birthday I made it so that it was possible for me (read: I couldn’t resist… lol!) to post the final chapter on the same day it takes place: Harry Potter’s birthday! 
> 
> So come on in, guys, and let’s enjoy the party.

**31st July, 1985**

The day Harry Potter turned five years old was one of those miraculous days in which everything goes smoothly, everyone has a good time, and the great amount of preparation that went into the organisation of the party perfectly pans out. It turned out to be the perfect day everyone deserved.

Adults and children alike enjoyed themselves in the elegant, albeit simple and welcoming, atmosphere of the Potters’ house and the surrounding garden. Lily and James had decided to treat the occasion as a chance to reconnect with friends they’d lost sight of because of the war and everything that had come after it, and their invitations were wholeheartedly accepted.

Many old classmates mingled around, tasting the good food and drinking Butterbeer and Firewhisky, and there was a general feeling of reconnection. Frank and Alice Longbottom were present, of course, as was their son Neville, whose birthday had been celebrated just a day before but with a much smaller gathering. 

The Weasleys were also there, as Ron was Harry’s best friend and no party could have happened without him. Aside from Charlie and Bill, the eldest Weasley sons who had received permission from their parents to spend a few weeks in Romania so that Charlie could cultivate his passion for dragons, the whole family was in attendance.

Lily was overjoyed when Savannah Johnson, who was still Sirius’s Mind Healer and kept helping him with his recovery, also accepted her invitation and brought with her her niece, Angelina. To be fair, Fred and George Weasley also seemed to appreciate Angelina’s presence. George, especially.

Even Albus Dumbledore made an appearance to the party and, though he didn’t stay for very long, his presence was felt throughout the celebration. His present to Harry – a golden bracelet with a plaque that bore the engraving of a lightning bolt – caught everyone’s eye, as did the way Dumbledore caressed the boy’s forehead after giving him the gift. No one knew what the implication behind Dumbledore’s gesture was but, as he wasn’t a man known for doing something without it having some deep, often hidden, meaning, everybody was sure the scene they’d witnessed had been quite significant, and it obviously became the talk of the party.

Harry received an enormous amount of presents, and his parents were forced to hastily add another table to the one they’d initially organised in order to display them all properly. Harry’s favourite gift was, without any sort of doubt, the broom his Uncle Sirius bought for him. It was the latest model available, the best money could buy, and even if it generally was intended for teenagers, Sirius had requested it be customized to fit a five year old. Harry beamed when he unwrapped it, and basked in his friends’ amazement.

“Thank you, Padfoot!” Harry shouted, jumping in Sirius’s arms and placing a huge, sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“You like it?”

“Yes! You are the best!” Harry kept yelling, and Sirius laughed placing his Godson back to the ground. 

“Moony!” Harry called then, still holding onto Sirius’s sleeve. “Did you see what _my_ Padfoot gave me?”

Harry had taken to emphasize the possessive pronoun whenever he talked about Sirius, and it especially came out when he spoke with Remus. It was an obvious attempt to stake his claim and let Remus know that, even if Sirius now lived with Remus – though he daily spent vast amounts of time at the Potters’ – he was still Harry’s in all the ways that mattered.

“Yes, I saw,” Remus replied, smiling. “Are you going to try it out?”

Harry’s eyes, not to mention his friends’, widened at that, and he released Sirius in order to go grab his broom. James helped him with it and guided him at first, but soon Harry was flying and screaming with joy. The new broom flew just a little higher than the small one Harry’d been using until then had, but it was apparently enough to please Harry and James, and scare Lily to death… at least judging by the muffled yell she let out at the sight.

“He’s alright, Lils,” Sirius said, hugging his friend close.

She rested her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know if I want to thank you for making him this happy, or kick you for taking years out of my life with it,” she said, jokingly.

Harry chose that moment to fly towards them, his broom allowing him to go as high as their heads, and yelled, “Mum! Look at me! I’m flying!”

Everyone in the vicinity laughed out loud, and Lily relaxed.

“Yes, I see that. Be careful!” She couldn’t resist adding, and clapped her hands at her son when he flew away.

*

While Marcus Boot, a former Ravenclaw Prefect that had patrolled with Remus back in their Hogwarts days, spoke about something he’d read in the _Prophet_ , Remus lent him half an ear while he craned his neck looking for Sirius. The last time he’d seen him, Sirius was talking with Minerva McGonagall but now she was sitting next to Madam Pomfrey, giggling over something – and Merlin if the sight of his old Professor giggling didn’t make Remus feel a bit queasy – and Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

Excusing himself, Remus abandoned Marcus and walked towards James to ask after Sirius. 

“Crowd was becoming a bit too much for him so he went down to the lake,” James explained. “Was planning to go check on him in a while, but maybe you could go. Bring him back to the house, would you? Even if he doesn’t want to mingle anymore, I’d feel better if he weren’t left alone.”

Nowadays, James was way less of a mother hen with Sirius and was content to let Remus take care of him as much as he wanted; nevertheless, James’s protectiveness and his wish to be close to Sirius remained quite strong, as did Sirius’s own need to have James within reach. Remus thought of their current arrangement as some sort of shared custody agreement: Sirius lived with Remus but usually the two of them spent the weekends in the guest room at the Potters’, a room that became by rights Sirius’s and Remus’s room. Sirius also stayed with James and Lily whenever Remus had a late shift at the Muggle pub, or was given some work by Dumbledore that required him to stay away for a day or two – but never more than that because Remus wasn’t comfortable being far from Sirius for too long.

“I’ll take him back. We can go lie down in our room if he doesn’t feel like being surrounded by people,” Remus offered. 

James nodded, “Call me if he needs me.”

With an answering nod, Remus made his way towards the artificial lake. James and Lily had decided not to allow their guests to go down to the lake that day, and to that effect they’d cast a shielding spell on the trail that led there. The decision had been taken first and foremost because it could be dangerous for the children to venture down there on their own, but also because the lake was Sirius’s own safe place and his friends had wanted to leave it accessible just to him should he need it. 

Remus whispered the password that allowed him to go through the invisible shield, and felt it close again behind his back as soon as he’d passed. The walk down to the lake was a quick one and soon Remus saw Sirius standing on the little dock, staring out at the lake.

“Pads?” Remus called, still careful not to catch Sirius unaware.

“Hey, Moons,” Sirius called back, without turning.

Remus took it as his cue to approach his partner and, once close, he embraced him from behind.

“You okay?” Remus whispered in Sirius’s ear.

“Yeah. Tired. Too many people, too many hands,” Sirius explained.

His speech pattern was better than ever but there was no telling whether this was the best it could ever get, or if there could still be room for improvement. For the moment, Savannah was delighted with his progress, and even Sirius expressed his satisfaction when he was finally able to string in a long sentence for the first time. It didn’t always happen, and mostly Sirius managed small sentences these days, but the time when he could only express himself with a word or two had long since passed.

“People were touching you? Who dared?” Remus joked. “Come on, tell me. I’ll challenge them to a duel. No one touches my Padfoot.”

Sirius let out a small chuckle. “‘T was all above the belt, no worries. Polite. They’re all so polite. It’s nice but after a while… I feel like an invalid. Do I have a sign? ‘Approach with caution’?”

“No, but I could make you one, if you want?” Remus quipped, and Sirius slapped his hands where they were circling his middle. “Okay, sorry. I do think James threatened the lot of them with bodily harm if they were not that cautious, honestly. I might have had something to do with that, too…”

“Figured. I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong. Just… tiring.”

“I get it. Did being here help?”

Sirius sighed. “Some. Was feeling alone, though. Isn’t that typical? Run away from a crowd and suddenly you feel alone. Bloody brilliant.”

“Not alone anymore, are you?”

Sirius snuggled back to Remus’s warm body, the heat behind his back much more comfortable than the one they’d had to suffer on the warm July afternoon.

“Not alone, no.”

Remus nuzzled Sirius’s neck and placed small kisses over the length of it, and Sirius arched it to give Remus better access.

“I promised James to take you back to the house so I don’t think it’s wise to start something right here and now,” Remus smiled on Sirius’s neck. “James will no doubt come down soon if he doesn’t see us back.”

Sirius turned in Remus’s arms and threw his own around his shoulders. 

“And what if I want to stay here?” Sirius asked, voice husky.

Remus kissed him, softly at first then more passionately. When he released him, Sirius smiled dazedly up at him.

“I did promise James we’d go back up to the house, but we don’t have to join the party again if you don’t want to. We can just go up to our room…” Remus proposed.

Sirius cocked his head. “To rest?”

“I’m sure we might need to rest at some point,” Remus replied, cheekily.

Sex had not been on the table for the two of them in the beginning. Sirius’s trauma and his inability to accept touch easily didn’t allow him to relax enough to enjoy sexual contact. Remus had been quite happy to accept any sort of closeness with Sirius, and for months all they’d shared with each other had been kisses, hugs, and gentle caresses. They’d slept in the same bed since the very first weekend they’d spent alone in Remus’s cottage, but they’d both remained fully clothed while they held one another under the sheets.

Gradually, secured in Remus’s affection and made strong by Savannah’s support and guidance, Sirius was able to loosen up and allow Remus closer. The very first time Remus had seen Sirius’s naked body, once more healthy and as enticing as it had always been, the surge of emotion the sight elicited had been too much for him and he’d cried. Terrified he’d scared Sirius away forever, Remus had been surprised when his partner had on the other hand been emboldened by his reaction, and had taken the lead. Like Savannah always reminded them, Sirius needed to see himself as something other than wounded, someone who had to be taken care of by others: he needed to become the caretaker. Unexpectedly, Remus’s breakdown had been the spark that lit up Sirius’s courage and, once he initiated contact, he was able to slowly open up to the possibilities.

Possibilities that recently Sirius had become quite willing to explore to the fullest.

They remained like that for just a moment more: standing on the small dock on the edge of the lake, a gentle breeze ruffling the water and their clothes, holding one other with their foreheads touching and their eyes closed. Then, Remus took Sirius’s hand in his and, together, they made their way back to the house.

Once there, Sirius stopped to reassure James that he was okay and just needed to lie down, smiling a bit when James only offered his customary response to everything Sirius: “I’m here if you need me.”

Taking no stock of people’s eyes on them, Sirius and Remus walked inside the house, climbed the stairs, and went into their room closing the door behind them, leaving the rest of the world outside. 

And here, right here, is where our story ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, our journey has come to an end. I hope you all enjoyed the ride! I sure had fun with this story and was a bit lost when I had to let it go.
> 
> Once again, I want to thank you all for your support and your wonderful feedback! You guys truly overwhelmed me and I’ll never be able to properly show just how much I appreciate every single one of you.


End file.
